My neutered cat wants to kill me

But he doesn't have the balls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rairishu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered

But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tetrahedral_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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What did the neutered chemistry teacher say?

My balls argon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tquarry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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My friends dog Duncan went to the vet to get neutered the other day...

His nickname went from Duncan Donuts to Duncan Nonuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalDoTa
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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I wanted to tell a long joke about a dog getting neutered

But the owner just wanted a quick snippet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RainMorga
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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My dad is very blunt about neutered pets...

He'll always call a spayed a spayed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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My cat just recently got neutered and I figured I’d give him a bath

Too bad he didn’t have the balls to enter the tub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanille117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I sent my dog in to get groomed and neutered

And he came back partially bald.

[actual joke my mom told me 20 years ago about our dog]

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"

A cull-de-sack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moothane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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[Request] Puns for spay/neuter veterinary surgery team.

Hello, I'm in Vet school and just can't seem to compete with some of my fellow students' surgery team names. As students, we work together to do spays and neuters for shelter animals. We like to use funny pun names.

Ideas that have already been taken: "Ovarian Cysters" "Dogtors at Your Cervix" "Eggs Ovary-Z"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilostpoints
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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Why is it a good idea to neuter your dog?

Because otherwise they might end up getting a little ruff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rainb0wCak3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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I took my cat to a pet show and it won the prize for best booty

It was a catastrophe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myth-ran-dire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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If groups of kittens and puppies are called litters...

...is a failure to spay or neuter your pet considered littering?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zatchf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Dad for the win last night.

So my family and I are all gathering around the TV watching the Notre Dame & North Carolina basketball game last night, when out of nowhere my dog starts dry humping the air.

It's absolutely hilarious when he does it, and it all never fails to make everyone laugh hysterically. Take in mind that my dog is neutered so he's super horny but, obviously doesn't really no what he's doing since his baby makers were chopped off. Anyways, my brothers trying to get him to come to him and he's just sitting there looking at him with this his devious little dog face.

Angrily, my brother says,

"He's probably so disobedient because you guys had to go and cut off his balls."

Everyone nodded their heads agreeably, except my dad who mumbles,

"Yeah Matt, that must explain why he never comes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
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Took the dog to the vet

I took our 16 month old dog, Thor, to the vet yesterday for his annual shots.

Vet, to me: "Looks like the last time we saw Thor was for his surgery to get neutered."

Vet, later, to Thor: "So are you like the comic book Thor? Do you have a big hammer?"

Me: "Not since that last appointment."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenboy2064
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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