Neutered Puns

But he doesn't have the balls.

But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything

My balls argon.

His nickname went from Duncan Donuts to Duncan Nonuts.

But the owner just wanted a quick snippet.

He'll always call a spayed a spayed.

Too bad he didn’t have the balls to enter the tub

And he came back partially bald.

[actual joke my mom told me 20 years ago about our dog]

A cull-de-sack

Hello, I'm in Vet school and just can't seem to compete with some of my fellow students' surgery team names. As students, we work together to do spays and neuters for shelter animals. We like to use funny pun names.

Ideas that have already been taken: "Ovarian Cysters" "Dogtors at Your Cervix" "Eggs Ovary-Z"

Because otherwise they might end up getting a little ruff.

It was a catastrophe.

...is a failure to spay or neuter your pet considered littering?

So my family and I are all gathering around the TV watching the Notre Dame & North Carolina basketball game last night, when out of nowhere my dog starts dry humping the air.

It's absolutely hilarious when he does it, and it all never fails to make everyone laugh hysterically. Take in mind that my dog is neutered so he's super horny but, obviously doesn't really no what he's doing since his baby makers were chopped off. Anyways, my brothers trying to get him to come to him and he's just sitting there looking at him with this his devious little dog face.

Angrily, my brother says,

"He's probably so disobedient because you guys had to go and cut off his balls."

Everyone nodded their heads agreeably, except my dad who mumbles,

"Yeah Matt, that must explain why he never comes."

I took our 16 month old dog, Thor, to the vet yesterday for his annual shots.

Vet, to me: "Looks like the last time we saw Thor was for his surgery to get neutered."

Vet, later, to Thor: "So are you like the comic book Thor? Do you have a big hammer?"

Me: "Not since that last appointment."