John Travolta tested negative for covid last night.

turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iloveoldmonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Double negatives.

Double negatives are a real no-no.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Risperdali
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kattykat21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...

Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaccyBuegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative

I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag, but all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mechanicfantic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Negative one times negative one

Felt like posting something positive today

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GISteve
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Deeply exhaling indicates a negative mood.

At least that's what the sighentists say.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I just saw a sea bird with a really negative attitude...

it was a PELI-CAN'T!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the appeal in being negative all the time?

This isn't a dad joke--I really want to no.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotoriousPVC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type

As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.

It’s currently half empty.

πŸ‘︎ 701
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that hated negative numbers?

He’d stop at nothing to stay away from them

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamGrooot77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
2019: stay away from negative people

2020:stay away from positive people

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πŸ‘€︎ u/popcorn_21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.

It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OlaviVirtahepo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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My test came back negative!

Too bad it was my IQ test.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisprater6986
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sweet person with a negative outlook?

A pepsimist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevb75
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The punny side of r/antimeme
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanamuna24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Most math puns aren't very funny

But sum are

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did AB hate O so much?

Because O was to negative.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuitcaseSuprise
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Two grammarians were arguing;

it was a case of a tense mood engendering a number of negative aspects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the oil say when it crashed it's price into negative value?

Oil be back!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woyteck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The teacher asked if anyone knew the square root of negative one...

So I shouted β€œI”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My thoughts on Floridians...

I have nothing against them. But I did run into one with a very negative Tampament.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lontano-02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Are people born with a photographic memory?

Or does it take time to develop?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YesImThatJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The US Government is so broke they’re going to start minting coins with negative value.

I suspect they’ll use antimony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a negative can of soup?

A soup can't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bionic_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Math puns!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisian_Neko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If your fear is a negative one

Then the root of your fear is imaginary

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Batteries have split personalities

On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeaconOnAChairMC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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My friend asks me what's stopping from posting a dad joke

I told him it's my negative karma.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbsxact7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate negative numbers.

I will stop at nothing to avoid going into negative numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feels_Bad_Man19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night

Turns out it was just saturday night fever

(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/APunchToThePuss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.

it's currently half empty

πŸ‘︎ 285
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type

As he died he kept on insisting for us to β€œbe positive”, but it’s hard without him.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubbyK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?

Hell stop at nothing to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pakistani_pizza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IveyRoney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers ?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 379
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeese9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the professor afraid of negative numbers?

He stops at nothing to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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