I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.

They said, he doesn't count!

I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Why would a member of The Muppets be arrested?

For Kermitting a crime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JLGoodwin1990
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Master of Noneβ€’β€’β€’Pastor of Muppets
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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The Muppets teamed up with NASA to name a newly discovered celestial object.

Upon its first sighting, the Jim Henson Company issued a press release, "Comet Defrog here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I'm pretty sure that The Muppet Show is not unscripted

It always seems like someone is pulling the strings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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What was the name of that one promiscuous muppet that looked like Dracula?

You don’t know? Well, it’s the thot that counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SylveonFrusciante
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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An homage to a one-time teen star suspended from the Muppet*Vision ceiling, Disney World
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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What do you get when you mix Ozzy Osbourne with a muppet?

Fozzie Osbourne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Why shouldn’t muppets date each other?

They can never stay Kermited.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippTheRipper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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What’s a muppet’s favorite fruit?

Bana-nana

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/easy-dub
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Muppets aren’t sexual...

They just want to be felt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chris3000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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'To Morrow', from The Muppet Show youtube.com/watch?v=JEilP…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caligapiscis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2013
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A farmer said to me β€œI have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?”

I said sure. 70.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....

He would be the Pastor of Muppets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/proweld7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway!

Note: Shamelessly stolen from the Muppet Movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blisspoint2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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My dad was very upset when our bunnies escaped.

It’s his worst fear - hare loss.

πŸ‘︎ 960
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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It is not infact.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sohrabhamza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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Future wife wears support socks.

Future wife was getting ready for work and put on these socks that I hadn't seen before. I asked what they were and she said they were supportive socks... I immediately grabbed one out of her drawer and put it on my hand like a sock puppet and spoke with a high-pitched muppet voice.

Puppet: You look nice today.
Puppet: You're going to have a great day.
Puppet: You can do it!
Her: What are you doing?
Puppet: Being supportive.
Me: <laughs>
Her: Oh my God.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevebobmike
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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How would Kermit and Ms Piggy get married?

Pastor of Muppets, pulling the strings...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said β€œthe muppet from Sesame Street”

They told me β€œhe doesn’t count!”. I replied β€œI assure you he does”.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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