The little one was a little more on.
It was a third degree burn.
It’s very windy so the big one falls off, the little one manages to make it across only because he was a little moron (more on)
The big moron. The other one was a little more on.
She is watching our wedding video again.
an oxymoron
Judge: That’s out of order.
Because the little moron was a little more on.
A family of morons go for a walk. They come to a rickety looking bridge. The daddy moron says to the mommy moron and the little moron, "I'll go first to make sure it's safe." He starts to walk across, but almost immediately falls off. The mommy moron, seeing her husband fall off, runs to the bridge, crying. As soon as she gets on the bridge, she also immediately falls off. The little moron, not realizing the danger, walks right up to the bridge, and calmly crosses the bridge with no incident. Why didn't he fall off?
Because he was a little moron the bridge.
What an Oxo moron
So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
Because his two half-assed brothers were coming over.
He says "that's good shit"
Buddy says "that's an oxy, moron"
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?
Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.
Cop 2: Hate crime?
Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.
More on that after the break.
Ask for the spokesman
I call him an OxyMoron.
...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”
He was a little moron
My dad loves to build. Every few years he takes on a new major construction project; an addition on his house, a huge workshop, something. When he goes to buy lumber he always tries to set the salesman up for this doozy:
Dad: "I'm going to need three dozen 2x4s."
Salesman: "Sure. How long do you need them?"
Dad: "I'm going to need them a long time, I'm building an addition on my house."
(Edit: Structure and spelling (thanks DJUrsus)).
... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!
(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)
… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
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Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
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Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
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An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
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Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
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My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
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When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
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I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
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[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Dad: What duck walks on two legs?
Me: Donald Duck!!
Dad: All of them, you moron
Me: shit
We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".
My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"
I was so proud !
I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.
Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.
I'll tell you next week...
Then you can fix a moron with a lesson.
(or for the nuclear physicists, a lesson is an anti-moron)
She was watching our wedding video again.
The little moron was a little more on.
He was a little "more on."
Because he was a little more on.
The big one, because the other was a little moron.
The big moron. Because the little moron was a little more on.
The big moron falls down. Why didn't the little moron fall down? Because he's a little more on.
'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
Because he was a little more on.
