YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging...

They’ll henceforth be known as YouTwitFace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Dolly Parton has just bought Harris Teeters and Piggly Wiggly, and is merging the two.

She will be renaming it to β€œBig Wiggly Teeters”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeter-gunz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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I just read that Fed-Ex and UPS are merging.

They're gonna call it Fed-Up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henri_Dupont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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Fed Ex and UPS and merging.

Finally they'll be as Fed UP as we are.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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What do you wear to the secret merging of two churches?

Quiet choir acquire attire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/68Cadillac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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UPS and FedEx are merging

Now they're FedUp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baikeru
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
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Red Bull is going to be merging with the company that makes Viagra

Their new slogan: "It gives you wangs!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuercusMax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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Was merging onto a state highway...

I said to my wife, "All these other drivers must be Sammy Hagar!" "What are you talking about?" "Because they can't seem to drive 55!" And the face palming proceeded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marukaz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
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What did the Apple OS say to the Windows OS when it wanted to merge?

"Sorry, not PC enough."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadenStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What happens when two weed companies merge together?

They become a joint venture!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maraudershake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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What do you call it when Victoria Secret merges with Smith and Wesson?

Titty Titty Bang Bang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoshizaki78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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If McDonald's and Apple merged we would get Big MacBooks, Apple Watch Pies, and get free Wi-Fries in store.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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If FEDEX and UPS merge...

If FEDEX and UPS merge they should call themselves FED-UPS!

The FED-UPS are late again!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAwesomeTG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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So, if The Cars and The Doors merged together in one band,

Would they be The Car Doors?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Backroadgamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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What do you call it when two mining companies merge?

A COALition.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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So the Rolling Stones lead singer is planning to merge a fast food chain with a car manufacturer.

He's calling it McJaguar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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One nation, indivisible....
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananacatguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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After years of using dial up, I finally upgraded to high speed internet. I didn't realize the internet traffic!

But I was able to e-merge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Why did the Celts hate paintings so much?

Well, many of them couldn't stand to be depicted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CruelPuns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
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This is one of my step-dad's favorites, even if a bit old

"Did you know Netscape and Yahoo merged?"

"Yup, their new name is Netanyahu"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/esoper1976
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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The New Super Flu

Be safe everybody bird flu has merged with swine flu to create Flying pig flu.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reppingthe903
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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I was in Drivers Ed and my teacher (mid 50's father of 2) was talking about what to do if there is a large vehicle in the way.

"For example, if there is a big UPS truck in the road what do you do? Wait, actually, did you guys hear about the merger happening between UPS and FedEx?"

A round of confused "no's" pop up around the room

"Yes, they are merging, I hear they are going to now be called FedUps..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiefTief
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Wife came out with a cracker of a joke the other morning...

So she's driving me in to work because my car's at the garage having some work done, when there's a sudden beep of horns and a minor road rage incident between two identical cars like this:

https://carleasingmadesimple.com/news/v01/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Mini-Countryman-rear-view-1024x767.jpg

Without even a split second hesitation she comes out with "Well, you'd think their fellow countryman would simply let them merge wouldn't you?".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanJT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
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Shipping Jokes

Every time a large shipment arrives at the house.. Dad: Did you hear FedEx and UPS are merging? Me: No I didn't... Dad: Yes, the are going to call themselves FedUp!

He will go on laughing about it for 10 minutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aquabats_unite
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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The king of dad jokes frequents my work place.

"So a man and a woman decide to get married and merge their bank accounts. One day she was trying to log on to the account but didn't know the the password her husband had set up. She turns to her husband and asks him if he remembers. He responds with yeah, it's CinderellaPeterPanSnowWhiteSpongebobSacramento the wife stares at her husband shocked and asks "what kind of a password is that?" he responds with "Well, they required four characters and a capital."

Badum tsshhhhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexandra_762
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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Let's play a game

We were watching a reality show called Oak Island when my dad said, "This would take a turn if they'd misheard and its actually Poison Oak Island. (Cue dad laugh)

But it got me thinking about a game I saw on Hollywood Game Night where they merge someone's last name and someone's first name. Like Bruce Wayne Gretzky. I find that hilarious.

This is my game creation: merge a well known phrase with a TV show, movie or other media that completely changes the premise of the media in a funny way.

First contribution: Tie Die Hard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katfacekillah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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Another classic from my dad

Dad: Did you hear that Stop and Shop and A&P are going to merge?

Unsuspecting friend of mine: Really?

Dad: Yeah, they're going to call it "Stop and pee."

Told as many timed as I had friends...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoonhocket
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.

They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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"My dad got me with this one: 'Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.'”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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"So, did you hear that FedEx and UPS are going to merge?"

"They're Fed-UP."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenacho1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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