I forgot the pun I made up about socks
Computers already made fast accurate mistakes without speeding them up
Just made this one up and got a huge groan reaction from my 7 year old daughter. What do they call pyramids in Egypt?
I made up a pun about the wind
The world's surface is made up of 70% water. This water is uncarbonated
Therefore the world is flat 🙃🙃🙃
Just made this up myself!
Why don't vampires invest in cryptocurrency?
They're not particularly fond of staking!
A chemistry teacher told a math teacher, "there's nothing in this classroom made of pure calcium." The math teacher looked around, then picked up the thickest piece of chalk and hurled it at the chem teacher. It hit him above his eye, and a bruise started to form.
The chemistry teacher looked down at the chalk and then back at the math teacher and said, "that's a salt."
I made a date to meet my girlfriend at the gym, but she never showed up
That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out
My husband made this one up on our walk today... he's a dad so I think this fits both the spirit and the letter of the law (so to speak)...
What do you call a creature who goes away in winter and comes back in spring?
An annu-mal
What do you call a Dungeons and Dragons Party (raid team for the non-D&D crowd) made up entirely of Orc Bards?
An Orc-hestra
(Yep, my teenage daughter got me with this one so I had to share.)
I made this up today and my wife didn't appreciate it. A pigeon and a chicken started a right-wing supremacist hate group...
... They called it the coo clucks clan
There’s a terrorist group made up of mimes
They do unspeakable things
Joke my 12 year old son made up: What do you call it when you throw Mexican food at high velocity?
Wanna hear a word I made up?
My 7 year old organically made this up!
Super Bowl halftime show, watching with my wife and boys, wife says “The halftime show is a bunch of rappers from the 80’s and 90’s, including Eminem, I really like him.”
7 year old: “Mn’Ms are good, but I like Skittles better”
Wife: “Not the candies silly, the rapper!”
7 year old: “Why would you just eat the wrappers!?”
Did you know all dogs are made up of only 3 elements?
What do you call a pub quiz team made up entirely of people with big beards?
Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up?
In an elderly fashion. (So proud)
What made the kraken give up?
A company made up of little wizards is now hiring.
They’re short staffed.
(Just made this one up. My daughter hated it)
Our 8-year old stopped family dinner conversation to tell us he made up a joke… “Hey Doctor, I need a new butt…”
“This one has a hole in it.”
My wife was dying trying not to laugh too much and encourage him.
He swears he made it up on his own. Original or not, I couldn’t be prouder.
Made this one up when I was 12 💀
What direction do frightened cows run?
Coward.
What's really fast, made of potato, and can fly up past the clouds???
My buddy made this one up: “I’m proud to say that I no longer have a dad bod,”
“I now have a father figure.”
Im terrible at dad jokes (15) but I just made up one im semi proud of
What do you call James Bond when he's twice as late??
008 (Doubly late)
My girl made up this joke: Why was the banana sad?
Moment of pride as my almost 4yo daughter made up her own joke (or at least one she hadn't been taught).
My daughter will be 4 in December and I've been teaching her jokes involving animals and the sounds they make. I had taught her;
What do ducks eat? Quackers
What's a cows favourite place to go? To the mooovies.
She thought they were hilarious and for the next few days I would ask her to tell me a joke and she would repeat one of these jokes and we would laugh together. I asked her this morning to tell me a joke expecting one of these same jokes that she knows, then she took me by surprise by asking;
Why was the sheep on the naughty step?
I was taken aback and wondered where it was going, so I replied;
I don't know. Why was the sheep on the naughty step?
Coz he was a baaaad boy.
Few moments of stunned silence then me and the wife looked at eachother, then burst into fits of laughter while my daughter beamed with pride. Her twin brother is often on the naughty step for being a 'bad boy' and I'm thinking that she has put 2 and 2 together and came up with infant/toddler comedy gold. Very clever, and very proud dad.
The farmer up the road from me just made it a lot easier to get over his fence
My 8 year old daughter made this up today. “Why did the car have a belly ache?”
I tried online dating in Japan but I kept getting ghosted whenever plans were made to meet up in person.
I gave up after several weeks of back-to-back cancel Asians.
My wife made me dress up and go to a Renaissance Fair.
What do you call a made up color?
A pigment of your imagination
My girlfriend broke up with me because I made too many Linkin Park references
But in the end it doesn’t even matter.
what do you call a country made up of reporters?
Did you know that 37% of statistics are made up?
My elderly dad just got me with this one.
Just made this up, and apologize in advance... What did the Doctor give the weatherman after his skiing accident?
I was at target with my dad when I came up with this one that made my dad proud
I picked up a hose nozzle and showed my dad and said “hey look it’s a Bluetooth hose, I bet it gets its water from the cloud.”
85% of stats are made up on the spot.
The other 15% are made up underneath it.
Gleefully made up by my 9 year old son: What is a bra's favourite country?
My 5 year old made this one up in the car
Daughter: "Daddy, this street is so windy and curvy"
Me: "Oh yeah? Is it exciting?"
Daughter: "Yeah, it's like a road-er coaster"
I made up a joke about a vacuum.
I made this one up, I'm no dad but I guess this a virgin joke
Q: What do you call a dandelion that watches porn?
A: A weed-wacker
After being holed up in the house due to Covid, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
My dyslexia made me believe I signed up for hockey, with some Pocky served afterward.
But it was actually hokey pokey, so I turned myself around, because that's what it was all about.
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?
That they're politicool...
Im biased but i think its genius
Someone asked me if I made up the dad joke I just told…
I replied “No, I reddit somewhere.”
The Earth is made up of 70% water and it’s uncarbonated..
So it’s technically flat.
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