What's a pirate's favourite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why would he like argon or carbon

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📅︎ Nov 01 2020
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A man just tried to sell me Supergirl, Lara Croft and Wonder Woman.

I think he might be a heroine dealer!!..

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📅︎ Sep 04 2015
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My rabbit just died but it's ok

It's just some bunny that i used to know

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👤︎ u/stoll33
📅︎ May 29 2017
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An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king...

An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king. But, the plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail.

The general managed to escape and he fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away to meet his followers. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure his men would find the right one. So, the fugitive general lit a small fire to signal them.

The other generals of the king's army saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and they rushed over and killed him.

The moral of the story?

The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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📅︎ Jan 10 2018
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Had a great one at work that nobody will know about

Alright so quick synopsis of what I do for a living is treating industrial waste water for oil fields. Part of our process is removing solids from the water and using a hydraulic press to squeeze the water out of it and dispose of the dry cakes. Once a day, a waste company rolls in large trucks to remove the big bins where we store the cakes, and put in fresh ones.

Today I was talking with the driver of the truck as he replaced my last bin. I wished him well on the road since we live in California and lordy knows nobody understands how to drive in the rain. As I was turning away from him I said

"If you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."

And immediately started up the steps to our press building, laughing the entire time.

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📅︎ Feb 21 2017
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