My dad lives long distance, so we text often. He got me with a good one this morning;
I recently had bone surgery in my left pinky, so I've been keeping him updated on the recovery. I sent him a photo of my swollen bruised purple pinky and he says, "Okay so none of that looks right. Is it your left hand?"
I've been watching the Olympic swimming qualifiers.
Looks like it'll be a very talented pool this year.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
I took my daughter to her swimming lesson yesterday and the leisure centre absolutely stank.
It turns out that all of the other parents were also dropping their kids off at the pool.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
It cost me an arm and a leg!
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?
Last night I dreamed that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
But it was just a Fanta sea
An American cat and a French cat are having a swimming race.
The American cat’s name is “One Two Three”. The French cat’s name is “Un Deux Trois”.
Which cat won?
One Two Three.
Because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
Where does the alcoholic swim?
Dad: Look at those two geese swimming into each other all the times. What do you get, son?
Son: I don’t know.
Dad: ..... goosebumps.
I love swimming in a large pool of orange liquid
I thought the distance didn't matter =(
What do you call a guy who can swim without using his arms and legs?
What's yellow and can't swim?
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
I think I'll get a loan to buy a swimming pool
But I'm worried I'll be drowning in debt
Why do fish no longer swim in schools?
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
What do you call a human swimming in the ocean?
How to they enforce social distancing at the zoo?
It's amazing that birds can successfully navigate accross huge distances while migrating, considering...
Friend 1: So how’s your long distance relationship going?
Friend 2: So far, so good
Going to the beach? Make sure you pack an extra pair of swim trunks.
In case the first pair gets wet.
Last winter, we went to a pool inside a hotel but we weren’t allowed to use the accessories worn on the feet to help us swim...
we felt bad and unhappy when the attendant said “no indoor fins!”
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
Batman: It’s been a long day Alfred. Please fill up the bathtub.
This one really took my brain too long, might go to sleep
(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
Why doesn't Steven Seagal swim in the bay?
I was going to write a long story about winter but it started getting too cold
So I just wrote a summery instead
I was gonna post a long pants joke
But all I have are shorts
I’m in a long distance relationship with a masochist.
What do you call a Mexican long distance runner?
I'm going swimming on April 1st
I call it April Pools Day.
I just saw a moth swimming.
It was doing the butterfly.
Social distancing doesn’t work
No matter how far apart two people are, there’s only four feet between them!
In Sweden, footraces sometimes start a short distance away from the country’s eastern border.
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
Swimming with sharks is expensive.
It cost me an arm and a leg.
I dreamt last night I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up..
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
Swimming with sharks sure is expensive...
It cost me an arm and a leg
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
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