So these to kids named 'shut up" and "trouble" went to the county fair and trouble got lost and shut up was looking for him shut up went to a off limits area and a security guard caught him

The guard asked him what he was doing he said he lost his friend the guard said ok what's your name he said "shut up" the guard asked again in a stern voice Whats your name the boy said "shut up" the guard got angry and yelled "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TROUBLE?" the boy replied"yes do you know where I can find him?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HUNGRY_HIPPO76
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 17 2023
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infinity squared...
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 72
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Finnish_Snow_Flower
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 02 2023
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How much does a roof cost?

Nothing, itโ€™s on the house

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 179
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MrAmazing3001
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 22 2023
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Caption contest gold here
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TamoyaOhboya
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 26 2023
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Ski is the limit.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 32
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SkylineDriver69
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 14 2022
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I hear Calculus is a difficult subject.

It really tests your limits.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Masselein
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 02 2023
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The herb sale is ending soon!

Better get there quick, they're running low on Thyme!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jestagoon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 06 2023
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The first computer was owned by Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with a very limited memory.

Just one byte and everything crashed.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 895
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Krow_2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 23 2022
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I was relieved when my wife told me she didnโ€™t want kids.

How do I break it to them?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/I-was-the-guy-1-time
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01 2023
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[META] This sub was referenced by a study that found Dad Jokes aren't funny (?!), they're embarrassing (Well, yeah). And that's a good thing!

Research published in the British Psychological Society's journal, The Psychologist recently used r/DadJokes among other sources:

"How, for one thing, are we to make sense of the apparent popularity of dad jokes given that they are explicitly said to be โ€˜unfunnyโ€™? Even those definitions of the genre that do not specifically use the word โ€˜unfunnyโ€™ include similar slights, calling them โ€˜lameโ€™ (Dictionary.com), โ€˜hackneyedโ€™ (OED), or โ€˜embarrassingly badโ€™ (Urban Dictionary). Yet many people clearly find dad jokes funny in some sense. On the popular social network Reddit, the community r/DadJokes, which is specifically dedicated to sharing dad jokes, has a staggering 8.8 million members."

and found that:

"By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that theyโ€™re embarrassing, fathers may push their childrenโ€™s limits for how much embarrassment they can handle. They show their children that embarrassment isnโ€™t fatal. For a child who is approaching or has entered adolescence, which appears to be a sensitive period for sociocultural processing (Blakemore & Mills, 2014), this is an immensely valuable lesson. In this sense, dad jokes may have a positive pedagogical effect, toughening up the kids who are begrudgingly exposed to them."

M. Hye-Knudsen, The Psychologist, March 14, 2023.

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/dad-jokes-thats-way-eye-roll

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ECatPlay
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 05 2023
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asked for a plain cake but got a PLANE cake
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dustindee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 14 2022
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A policeman stops a woman for driving over the speed limit.

A policeman stops a woman for driving over the speed limit. The policeman approaches the window and the woman says to the cop:โ€I thought that you didnโ€™t give ticket to pretty womenโ€The policeman answers:โ€Actually, we donโ€™t. So sign here please.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/YourOverLordisME
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26 2022
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A bus station is where the bus stops, a train station is where the train stops,

And at my desk I have a workstation....

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 700
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/GullibleDetective
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2022
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Apologies if Iโ€™m posting in the wrong sub, but I need to ask a question.

Iโ€™ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. You know, wondering who I amโ€ฆ I put up with a lot of crap every single day, like itโ€™s my job. And almost every time I put up with this stuff, I just feel wiped.

So my question is this: If I were the opening at the end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste matter leaves the body, WIBTA?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 53
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/vaxis2113
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06 2023
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What do mathematicians carry their limit approaching functions in?

Their asymp-totes

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/un_sherwood
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 24 2022
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A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.

His condition has been described as stable.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 87
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ekerkstra92
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 08 2023
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Driving north through Texas can be quite an ordeal.

Once you reach the state limit, it's OK.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/prlugo4162
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 12 2023
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Iโ€™m glad I know sign languageโ€ฆ.

โ€ฆโ€ฆits pretty handy!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/OPTimberSycamore
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 29 2023
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A calendar is quite aware of its mortality

It knows its days are numbered

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HotepYoda
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06 2023
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I tell dad jokes

he laughs at them

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 49
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/_Zamalekies
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 22 2023
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A man was hospitalized after swallowing six plastic horses

But he's okay: his condition is stable.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/maggierae508
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 12 2023
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Tonight, Iโ€™m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/YourOverLordisME
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 02 2022
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When I was a young boy my dad said to me, you can be anything you want in life, the sky is the limit.

Which made me sad. cause I wanted to an astronaut.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Redylittle
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 04 2022
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I asked Tina Turner if I could bring a platter of Greek sandwiches to her party. She said...

"We don't need another Gyro."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28 2023
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Lionel Richie's favorite spray
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/samwalton69
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 28 2022
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A mathematician told me that he hates Calculus. I asked why, and he said:

I don't hate all Calculus, just Sum.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LaniusCruiser
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 20 2023
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A young man walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says "I'll bet you a beer I can absolutely blow your mindโ€ฆ..โ€

The bartender, after having owned the bar for 20+ years, tells the customer, "I've seen some crazy things go on in this bar and in this town. I don't think you can do it. You're on."

The customer reaches in his pocket, and pulls out a man who stands 10" tall. He tells the bartender, "watch this." Then tells the little man, "how about beethoven's 5th?"

The small man goes to the piano, climbs onto the stool, and plays beethoven's 5th symphony flawlessly.

With his mind properly blown, the bartender slides his customer a beer.

An hour later, the same customer challenges the tender to the same bet, who again, obliges.

The customer pulls a genie lamp from another pocket and tells the owner, "this genie has no limits. Make a wish."

In disbelief, he says, "alright, I wish I had a million bucks."

The bar immediately fills with white-feathered birds.

"I WISHED FOR BUCKS, NOT DUCKS!!"

The customer replied, "when was the last time you wished you had a 10 inch pianist in your pants?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dudechickendude
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 26 2023
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My son got angry when I told him "Sky is the limit for you".

He wants to be an astronaut.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 150
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rhshi14
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 30 2021
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Why is alcohol prohibited in Calculus Classes?

It's illegal to drink and derive.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 217
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Zenmedic
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 27 2022
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An old lady at the ATM asked if I could check her balance

So I pushed her over.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 131
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ok_Presence36
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20 2022
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Albert Einstein was a genius.

Sadly, his brother Frank was a monster.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/professorf
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 14 2022
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Man to Psychiatrist: I am depressed. All my four sons want to be valets when they grow up

Psychiatrist: That is the strangest case of parking sons disease I have come across so far.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/themrbeardiful
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 24 2022
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How do you get a velociraptor?

Shared by my 11-year-old tonight...

You divide the distance raptor by the time raptor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 151
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JackOfSomeTrades001
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 02 2022
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I lost my job at the gym today...

They said it wasn't working out.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/maxxnes
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 15 2022
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An officer pulled over an old lady going over the speed limit with three other ladies in the backseat on Interstate 55.

Good Evening mam, do you know the speed limit is 45 km/h here? Why were you going at 55?

Oh sorry, the old lady replies. I thought the interstate number was the speed limit.

So, would you mind telling me why the others are shaking in the back?

Oh that. We just got off from Interstate 120.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Lava_Wolf_68
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2022
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My Precalculus teacher used to be a pilot.

Though, I forgot to ask about his cosine.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eGvll
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 21 2022
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There's a limit on how many hearts you can break

Its <3

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/chocowilliam
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 29 2022
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Limited release Harry Potter title
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ddh85
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 19 2018
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Paulie_Felice
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07 2022
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I got an f on my last calculus test

Teacher ask me why, I told him I was drunk. He replied, โ€œnever drink and derive.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wretchedwilly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2022
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I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 241
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lolyfe-dc
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2020
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They finally let my math teacher out of jail.

The evidence just didnโ€™t add up.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 61
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nobodaddy216
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 14 2022
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The skyโ€™s the limit
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 103
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Toe-knail
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27 2021
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How does NASA throw a party?

They Planet

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Monkeystikx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2022
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Why do the Irish only but 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more would be too farty.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ok_Present_6508
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 10 2022
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The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an apple with very limited memory.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 61
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Hockputer09
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 25 2023
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The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory.

Just 1 byte and everything crashed!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 184
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Sgthawkeye9
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24 2023
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My son got angry when I told him โ€œSky is the limit for youโ€.

He wants to be an astronaut.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thedeathwaiter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 24 2022
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