As a leper, I feel like I’m falling apart.

I just lost my left leg.

Edit: now my right leg.

Edit: now my left arm.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the leper stripper?

She left a lot to be desired.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seanfish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pixiehammer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What's a leper's favorite Post Malone song?

I fall apart

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mother_Joel
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyman227
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
The Greek authorities tried to get the lepers at Spinalonga leper colony to swap their healthy babies for babies with leprosy

but a leper never changes its tots.

(My dad made this up when we visited Spinalonga in about 1998...its one of his all time classics. I only remember the punchline so I made up the first bit and its not historically true.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AppleDrops
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Where is it most unsafe to play the β€œpull my finger” game?

At the leper colony.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish Decepticon with a skin condition?

A leper-con!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The members of my favorite rock band all have leprosy

Their band is called Def Leper

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Augerbine_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A short Irish guy tricked me into giving him money for his skin disease.

I should’ve known it was a Leper-con.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaska_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish conman with leprosy?

A Leper Con!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaGrimer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gathering of people with skin disease?

A leper-con.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bawykweepkee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a diseased short person who tries to take your money?

A leper con.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do they call diseased prison inmates in Ireland?

Leper cons.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abacus_porkrind
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
dadjoked my girlfriend: 2nd coming edition

Girlfriend sent a text to tell me her bus was late.

GF: Jesus Christ just got out at University St.

Me: Wow! Did he heal any lepers or anything?

GF: There should have been a period after Christ.

Me: There is! It's called A.D.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my family over Tabasco sauce

Mom: Tabasco sauce is made in a place called Avery Island.

Step dad: Yeah, it was probably a leper colony.

Me: And now it's a pepper colony!

everyone booed me

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joannchilada
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Leper hockey team?

They had a face off in the corner.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wintermaulz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JulyBurnsRed34
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.