What do you get when you eat a kiwi at a zoo

Banned for life

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Kiwi eating kiwi
👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/anthony_ko
📅︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Kiwi
👍︎ 89
💬︎
👤︎ u/Wyboth
📅︎ Feb 21 2015
🚨︎ report
BF and I went to the Kiwi version of ComicCon today.

We walked past the entrance where people were setting up for card game tournaments, including Magic: The Gathering. He stopped me and said completely deadpan, "This is where the magic happens."

👍︎ 94
💬︎
👤︎ u/natzor77
📅︎ Oct 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Flamango
👍︎ 4k
💬︎
👤︎ u/BeerMan
📅︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Australians dont have sex

They mate

👍︎ 19
💬︎
👤︎ u/lord_nut
📅︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent

👍︎ 131
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you know there has been a murder on every street in Dunedin? imgur.com/35D0sz1
👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/staticgirl
📅︎ Oct 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender! :D

👍︎ 52
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my coworkers yesterday.

My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.

👍︎ 327
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
It's 1am on January 1st where I live.

I haven't slept since last year, and I'm EXHAUSTED!

👍︎ 118
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

👍︎ 130
💬︎
👤︎ u/Ghotifett
📅︎ Jul 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Co-Worker and I were bored at work this morning, we wrote this. We work for a fruit store.

NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?

I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.

We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion

👍︎ 12
💬︎
👤︎ u/iCappa
📅︎ Mar 15 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad told me he can speak 6 languages fluently...

It's English, American, Canadian, Australian, Kiwi and Jamaican.

👍︎ 20
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 03 2017
🚨︎ report
He's not a dad... yet.

My family went up to Washington for a couple of weeks and my sister brought her boyfriend. Let's refer to her as Kiwi and him as Konrad. We didn't want to deal with bringing a car up, so we rented one, going with a Volkswagen Jetta at the recommendation of the agent who saw the huge volume of stuff we were carrying. I remember seeing Konrad smirking a little bit when we got in the car, but didn't think anything of it at the time.

Fast forward to the end of our vacation, and we're heading back to the agency to turn in the car, and unpacking all of our stuff from the trunk, and Kiwi says "That looks like everything," and Konrad says "Yup, I guess that's the return of the Jetta."

Me: "You've been waiting three weeks to use that, haven't you?"

👍︎ 31
💬︎
👤︎ u/teuast
📅︎ Jun 19 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dyslexic fruit that opens small locks?

Kiwi

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.

I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!

👍︎ 138
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.