What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?

A white christmas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What is the horse's name in the song "Jingle Bells"

Bob...bells on "Bob's" tail ring

Credit: heard it the other day and made me laugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suchaweirdshow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I recently took a job writing jingles for a sewing machine company.

I’m a Singer songwriter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Saw this tree at Mater’s Jingle Jamboree and said to my kids β€œthis tree looks tired!” All the dads around me chuckled at least.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jkevinparker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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It's a family tradition to watch Jingle All The Way every year....

Me: "Is Phil Hartman the one who was killed by his wife?"
Mom: "Yup."
Dad: "Shot him right in the heart, man."
Mom (genuinely): "Did she really?"

my sister, dad, and I just started cracking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spud641
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?

Sleigh-er.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Many Folks Don’t Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.

They call them Jingle Berries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchpeederMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Can't believe I haven't heard this one before
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoWhisperer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Where does Santa put a misbehaving elve?

A Jingle Cell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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The gunslinger walks through the saloon doors...

and he just stands there, surveying the assemblage as the room goes quiet. And suddenly he yells, "All you dirty bastards, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

And the crowd rushing the exists raises a cloud of dust, obscuring vision. When it settled, the gunslinger notices one little wizened old man tucked in a corner beside the piano. The gunslinger walks over, his spurs making a small jingling sound. He stands in front of the still-seated old man. "WELL?," he demands.

The old man looks up earnestly into the gunslinger's face, "Sure was a lot of 'em, wasn't ther?".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shagata_Ganai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Hey have you heard about Steven Tyler's new line of sweetened mayonnaise?

No? Well maybe you've heard the jingle "Sweet Emulsion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancySkunk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Need a Dirty Christmas Pun

need a dirty christmas pun to see if a girl is up for a holiday rendezvous. I know there are some good ones but im drawing a blank

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πŸ‘€︎ u/10YearsWasted
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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Before they started using metal to help make bells ring, I bet they were using rocks.

It was called the Jingle Bell Rock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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Warning: musical pun

This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penislandbic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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I've got one...

When I was younger my dad would always sing this jingle

"Shes got freckles on her but shes pretty." and I kind of always giggled.

fast forward like 3 more years and he sings it one day and I am blown away as I realize he was saying the entire time "Shes got freckles on her butt, shes pretty"

Also he used to close his right eye while driving and told me he closed both of them and to tell him which direction to steer. I was like 4-6 and barley knew left from right, especially under stress. I always freaked out. He had a great time with it. I can't wait to do these things to my kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad_V
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out

Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)

Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up! Step daughter: it's a smart fridge Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.

Groans where heard throughout the house

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraferma
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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Getting Tips at Work

I work at a "field house" before home football games, serving beer n' what not, and a large chunk of what I make is off of tips that come in envelopes. As I pick my envelope of tips up I hear a jingle of coins inside of the envelope. Dramatically I stop and stare at my boss,

"Everything okay?" - boss

"Yeah everything is fine, I just didn't expect this much change in my life."

The surrounding co-workers groaned at the joke, but as I am leaving a lone drunkard walks up to me, gives me a high five, and congratulates me on fatherhood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnErectSuprise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
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Dad told me this when I was about 6.

Me: Dad, who is the most famous guy in the world? (Serious question)

Dad: (Totally Deadpan) John Jacob Jingle-Heimer Schmidt.

Me: Why's he so famous?

Dad: (Again, totally deadpan). His name is my name too.

I don't think he even looked up at me to answer either question, and certainly didn't miss a beat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jman939
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
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Geography with dad

Years ago, when I had to memorize the countries and capitals of the world for middle school social studies, my dad was helping me study. He tried to come up with a jingle, rhyme, or memory trick for all the ones I was having trouble with. His trick for remembering that Doha is the capital of Qatar was "Doha know how to play the Qatar?" (Don't you know how to play the guitar?). It was so hilariously bad that we still laugh about it whenever Qatar comes up in the news.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chasethelight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What song did the bodybuilder sing at Christmas?

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the whey!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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