Isle Of Wight Festival Puns

She's really eiducated.

It was an Otis wedding.

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as “Sinko De Mayo.”

No rush at all. Isle Wight.

'Ricotta be kidding me!'

Her: "I remember hearing last year that the Corn Festival in Sun Prairie is pretty fun, want to go?"

Me: "I'm in but it'd better be aMAIZEing"

http://i.imgur.com/INcqgZ3.png

It was a monumental undertaking.

The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.

A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"

The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"

I was wearing Wilson socks, and they have a big 'W' on each of them.

Dad walks in and sees them:

"What does that stand for?....Weft and wight?"

Doubles over in laughter at his cleverness.

I'm dreaming of a Wight Isthmus.

My 4 yr old son and I went to a convention this weekend. We had to bring a stroller, because of all the walking. Usually when we went to panels and shows, we would get Isle seats because of the stroller. We roll up to our seat and sit down. My son hangs out in the stroller.

The man in front of us turn around and says, "Middle of the isle. Clear view of the stage. I'm jealous."

My 4 yr old son replies, "Hi, Jealous." without even missing a beat. I was proud.

While walking through the art festival with the family, I was showing my kids how anything could be considered art when we came across plaster castings of animal head bones.

Without missing a beat, I pointed out: "I guess this would be called skulptures"

At least the artist laughed... when my youngest told me I wasn't funny

My friends and I just entered the ACL (Austin City Limits) festival, which it's basically a HUGE music festival. While we're walking, a stage is playing a song by the Beatles to which my girlfriend jokingly says, "Oh, I didn't know the Beatles were playing today!" I reply with, "It's part of their Lazarus Project!" Then a lady in front of us turns and says, "Niiiiice."

So we were at the local Renaissance festival on labor day and temps were getting up to the 90s. I see a guy carrying ice to one of the shops. Slyly I lean over to the wife and say: " Look honey, that guy has the coolest job."

Consider this one of my finest dad moment.

My brother and I were at a Spartan race this morning. After the race, we went to the festival area to check out the booths. One of them was a boot camp advertising with a 60 second challenge to win bragging rights. We weren't interested so we kept walking, but they hollered at us.

Girl 1: C'mon, it's only 60 seconds!

Girl 2: What's 60 seconds anyway?

Me: It's one minute!

They left us alone after that...

We're a thoroughly American family with German/Danish roots. For fun we went to a Greek culture festival as a different kind of Friday night. As soon as we're through the gate, he turns to my youngest brother and mutters:

"Everything seems so...foreign."

He was so pleased with himself that he repeated it to each one of us separately.

This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.

We were at walmart and I was saying all sorts of bad jokes associated with products. She eventually got mad, so I asked if she thought I was funny. We walked past some cheetos in the chip isle and she pointed at the cheetos and said "ya, you're dangerously cheesy". I knew she was a keeper.

when we got to the detergent isle he walked up to the bottles of Tide and turned them around. He turned around, saw the confused look on my face, and said "The Tides have turned!"

Today she's being a rather well known blonde from "Frozen", working outside at a festival in the wind and rain. She sent me a picture of herself dressed up and looking a bit miserable, to which I replied:

"You look like you'd rather be somewhere.....ELSA"

My girlfriend and I were discussing beards at our college's Native American culture festival.

I said, "It's too bad I grow Apache beard."

One of the guards facepalmed.

My coworker got back from the Essence Festival in New Orleans today and was sharing about it in a group of 4 black people and myself (pretty white). Her: Bourbon st. is so overrated, we just went back to the apartment at 1:30 when some fools started shooting. Me: What? Why'd you leave just when the party started poppin'!?

Groans and laughs were had by all...

They talked for a few hours while cleaning the store, and find a few isles that are way beyond "dirty". They decided to have a match. Whoever finishes their half of the area is deemed best janitor. Before they started, one of them scoffs and says, "I'ma wipe the floor with you"

A group of friends and I have gone to Bonnaroo (a music festival, for those who aren't aware) the past two years. this year, my friends dad decided to tag along with us, and he is one of those dads who is chill as hell and doesn't really care about the obvious drug use that occurs at festivals. while we were all hanging out at our campsite, a guy approached our campground and asked "hey, do any of you guys want some mushrooms?" my friend's dad, who was fully aware what shrooms are, was the first to respond, saying "nah, mushrooms are my least favorite pizza topping." the guy just kind of blankly stared for a second, then walked away as we all laughed/groaned.

My Mom dropped a doozy! I had made my brother a wizard's staff as a gift, my Dad helped. My Mom said, "...[Dad] was his staff advisor." Festivities halted and we had a solid 5 minutes of laughter. It was a good Christmas.

I just came back from a holiday back to the UK to visit friends and family (am an expat).

While we were there we went to a nice community festival, with some great beers. An American friend of a friend proudly proclaimed that he’d bought a pint of red stout.

Looking up at the board, and seeing the name of the beer, my eyes lit up: a golden opportunity had just presented itself.

‘Nah mate, that’s not red stout, it’s called Red Stoat. You do know what a stoat is, right?

[confusion]

‘Well, it’s a little rodent, a bit like a weasel. You know how you can tell the difference between a stoat and a weasel?’

‘Er..’

‘Well’, I says, ‘a weasel is weasily identifiable, and a stoat is stoatally different.’

Cue a puzzled look on the guys face, and a moment’s silence, broken by me and my friend pissing ourselves laughing, not at the joke of course, but at his reaction.

So this was all very well and good, just another in the litany of bad jokes that floats in my wake, and I thought the story ended there.

Karma, however, had other plans…

A few days later, we’re up in the Lake District, walking back to the hotel after a pub dinner. As we’re walking down the road, we see a small carnivorous rodent dragging the recently deceased body of a rabbit back to its home. It was either a stoat, or a weasel, but you know what? I honestly had no way to tell which…

it was at a festival.

Me: Are you going to try the curry?

Friend: Not sure.

Me: Ah, go on [goan].

Then later, we were talking abotuthe curries again at the end of the day.

Friend: What's this about the curry people?

Friend: Are they goan?

Me: No, I think they're here for the duration.

About a week ago I purchased one of those cheap checkout isle toys for my son. In particular it was one of the fan type toys that looks like a helicopter, with a small compartment of candy under the handle. Naturally he downs the candy and is toting the toy around for the next six or seven days, putting random items in the compartment. One day it is Lego's, another its rocks, another its dirt, so on and so forth.

Every time he puts something new in it he comes up and shows me what he was able to fit into the compartment.

This afternoon I was getting ready for work and drinking my coffee (night shift's this weekend), when he comes up to me with the helicopter. "Dad, look" as he is shaking the toy around with something rattling inside. "look, look". OK buddy, whats in there?

"CD's".... Huh? the compartment is smaller than a roll of quarters, how does he have cd's in there?

He proudly opens it up and goes "see theese... hahahaha", and just stands there waiting for my reaction.

So I was at a baseball game with my dad, and a beer salesman was moving through the isles. He was carrying a box with beer cans in it, and a bag of ice on top. He was yelling "Beer on ice!" So my dad turns to me and says "looks more like ice on beer to me."

I was stood around making bad jokes about cereal and he says "can we leave the cereal isle now?"

as if god himself had placed them there i turned to the closest box of cereal near me and said

"cheerio"... of course the box was cheerios which made all of this possible.