I saw today that peanuts have soared in price and Beer nuts are insanely expensive!

Fortunately, deer nuts are still under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Did y'all hear that Thanos has been committed to an insane asylum?

It's true. He snapped.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: My sister is making me INSANE.

Me: Did she push you off of a Parisian bridge?

Wife: πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HiFiGuy197
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mobile home for mentally insane horses?

Unstable.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LATROPSP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
That's fucking insane
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkd3mon192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What borders on insanity?

Canada and Mexico

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Insanity is hereditary

You get it from your kids.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumie102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the insane person become a squirrels friend?

He acted nutty

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm going insane
πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TreMMATV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The Russian president is insane

He must be putin jail

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Panagiotis1357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insane critic?

Judgemental

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people think that adding the letter "s" to inane is normal.

That's just insane!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a musician went insane?

He go completely instrumental

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dezero10
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insane vampire?

Batshit crazy!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mastercore8112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the insane man crying in a phonebooth?

He was cents-less...

edit: *phone booth

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameICallMyself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Insane
πŸ‘︎ 269
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Babin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was about to make a pun about insanity but I lost it
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atreus325
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does untreated iron deficiency often cause someone to go insane?

It is a serious metal illness.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My keyboard is missing an R, and that is driving me insane!

I want anarchy!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A train engineer pled insanity for wrecking the train.

That was his loco-motive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cashew that went insane?

Yeah, He was nuts

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_-Duck-_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend just picked a fight with a fan of hip hop group Insane Clown Posse, who was with his friends.

They all attacked him, but he went straight for the Juggalo.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I went swimming in a river in Paris and my friend went swimming in a river in Cairo. He said I was insane, but I told him he was in denial.
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A Mexican train conductor recently plead insanity.

He said he had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stage_directions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the train sent to the insane asylum after being convicted of first degree murder?

He had a LOCO MOTIVE

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DDevil37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the insane guy at the gun range

Turns out he just got scammed at Target

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If an insane person has a government sector job...

...that would make them a Sybil Servant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard someone say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

Does anyone know if that's true? I keep looking it up but I can't find anything It is driving me crazy!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reddof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insane bug in space?

A lunar-tick.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/century1goomba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
The Sykes-Picot Agreement is so crazy

I mean, it's borderline insane.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pianobutter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear about the midget with the 40lb balls that escaped the insane asylum?

He's half nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamswalters
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The janitor was so obsessed with cleanliness he went insane. So they sent him to a...

Sanitarium.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_dumbello
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
See the headline about the insane inmate that escaped and attempted rape?

"Nut bolts and screws."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How are insane asylums and rookeries the same?

It's where you go if you're a-raven!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnitaRide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
An employee at the insane asylum caught a patient trying to escape...

...He busted a nut.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadedBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Thanos was committed to an insane asylum? It's true.

He snapped.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a pun about insanity

but then I lost it.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a pun about insanity...

But then I lost it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Insanity is hereditary.

You get it from your kids.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RodneyRodnesson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Insanity is hereditary.

You get it from your kids.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RodneyRodnesson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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