One removes rabbits from a hat...
Get it?
Ya don’t say.
Aware_wolf
I hope it’s not a wind up
...I said Pgigadactyls.
I wound up using cellular.
A Hacksaw.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
That's alot of information to swallow.
They deserve a no bell prize
The wife said "was it murder"? The officer said "no madam it was suicide" The wife said how" can you tell"? The police said - "On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
I just don't get IT
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
...by tex-mexage.
In the Dada-base.
It's sage advice.
I can’t seem to put it down.
A HIPAA-potamus
Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45
Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75
Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34
Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
Dear Sir,
this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.
It usually has second hand information
They need to get their fax straight.
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
Oct-ogre
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
It will be called FroYo Information.
They don’t care about fax anymore
I have been informed he was a-salted.
It's a site for sore eyes.
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
and that I have to pay more attention when I pick him up from school.
I was Orthodoxed
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."
The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.
"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."
The man continues to keep his cool.
"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"
He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.
"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.
The spy smirks.
"But I still think you American spy."
The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.
He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.
After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.
In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."
The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.
"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"
The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."
We're cracka-lacking
like they know what IT means
His words, not mine.
In his Ledger
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
