How is a police informant's therapist like a magician?
One removes rabbits from a hat...
There are 2 types of people: 1) people who make inferences over low amounts of information
Now you just wait there a damn second friend.. a little birdie has just informed me that you are in fact a mime
What do you call a well informed wolf ?
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.
I hope it’s not a wind up
Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no wifi and couldn’t find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
Did you know that a single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information? Meaning that, during 3 seconds long ejaculation, more than 11,250 TERA bytes of information is transmitted.
That's alot of information to swallow.
Can anyone inform me on who invented knock knock jokes ?
They deserve a no bell prize
Police officer informs a wife that her husbund has been found drowned in a vat of beer.
The wife said "was it murder"?
The officer said "no madam it was suicide"
The wife said how" can you tell"?
The police said -
"On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
I just failed my Information Technology class...
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?
Where did the father store all his information?
I want to share some information on cultivating herbs.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue....
I can’t seem to put it down.
Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.
Where do DJs get their information?
What animal is the best at keeping your medical information confidential?
Important information
Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45
Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75
Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34
Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
My wife just informed me that “terrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
What's a pirates least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.
I regress to inform you...
Why should you never believe a clock?
It usually has second hand information
Informative product review
I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.
They need to get their fax straight.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
In what month was Shrek born?
Oct-ogre
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
I'm starting a combination of a Frozen Yogurt shop and a news stand.
It will be called FroYo Information.
The media are now only using email to transfer information
They don’t care about fax anymore
Late last night Mr Peanut was walking home through a bad neighborhood
I have been informed he was a-salted.
When discussing my history of eye inflammation at the optometrist, I was advised to look up information on conjunctivitis.com.
It's a site for sore eyes.
I once tried to drive my Toyota Corolla with a stick shift on the Autobahn, but German authorities flagged me down and informed me that was illegal...
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
I've just been informed that my six year old son is not mine
and that I have to pay more attention when I pick him up from school.
A team of Jewish hackers stole my information and posted it online
I've been informed we're out of crackers...
People say information technology...
like they know what IT means
My English teacher gave me a D on my literature essay. Among other things, my Works Cited page was apparently “too short and informal”.
Where did the Joker keep his financial information?
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
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