The Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
As we're driving through an industrial area, kid asks, "Why does this place smell terrible?"

Me: It's an olfactory response.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a friend in the publishing industry who made calendars, but I had to end our friendship

He was always getting hung up on little things, and telling me that our days were numbered. I've turned the page.

I hear he's dating someone now though.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runawaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."

"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5L1mm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can’t DJs find work in the seafood industry?

Because they are always dropping the bass.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Valgaras
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What industry is shadier than people realize?

Umbrella Manufacturing.

Courtesy of r/AskReddit

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
They demolished an abandoned industrial complex near me recently and now I can't smell.

They must have destroyed my old factory senses.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press release.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad works in the ceiling fan industry

He says it's Fantastic

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/junkboatfloozy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The American honey industry uses fascinating tech

It’s all powered by US bees.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/quakesand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to make artificial foliage for the movie industry,

until I got fired for barking up the wrong tree.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an industrial accident last week.

I fell into an upholstery machine, but I'm fully recovered now.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts with P and ends with ORN, and is the best part of the movie industry?

Popcorn

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the industrial goth eat for supper?

Kraftwerk Mac N’ Cheese

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarlettvvitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Which industry makes the most significant portion of its profits through a cash cow?

Big Farmer

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oceanchimp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want a job in the moisturizer industry...

...the best advice I can give is apply daily.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeastWhiteKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?

... he's feeling much batter now.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I once asked someone how they made so much money in the restaurant industry.

He said that he stopped forking around.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TTVMixmix00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I work in the drilling industry..

...it’s mainly boring.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuna_Stubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Industry insiders suggest glass coffins will become very popular.

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Crypto-currency has become so popular in Iceland that bit-mining has now overtaken the country’s music industry in total bandwidth usage.

This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s BjΓΆrk has always been worse than their byte.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReviveTheCronut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news!

An industrial accident has happened at the name changing offices. police reports say twelve injured, two deb.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Negative

True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:

Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...

Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)

Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?

Patient: No

Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?

Patient: No

Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?

Patient (sometimes): Yes

Me: Do you know the results of the test?

Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative

Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)

Patient: It was negative

Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)

Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)

Me: Dad jokes have to happen... πŸ™‚

/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cidici
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I work in the kelp industry

Needless to say, I seaweed everyday

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of over complicated industrial facilities

It's a complex complex complex

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:

It's going tits up.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I may be an introvert, but I have a fairly successful ore industry.

I mine my own business.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The electronics industry is kinda sexist

Instead of just thermistors and resistors, why can't there also be thermissuses and resistresses?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cj_oolay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son told me I was a simp (probably because I'm looking to get into a new relationship), after I looked up the meaning I told him:

You must be a Simpson then.

πŸ‘︎ 488
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HosfordHusky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound does a bouncy plane make?

Boeing.

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
According to a recent study, it’s really hard for women to work for the Postal Service.

It’s a mail dominated industry.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
As an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry...

I mined my own business.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coolidiot2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Settle a pun debate

I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:

Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"

Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"

I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creaky_thumbs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys see the new Adventures of Tin Tin movie? His soul gets removed from his body and put into an industrial drum fan.

I'd rate it tin out of tin. Big fan

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DripSquirt
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know Ungoliant had a brother? He went on to work in the cosmetic industry.

His name was Exfoliant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
As we're driving through an industrial area, kid asks, "Why does this place smell terrible?"

Me: It's an olfactory response.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't DJ's find work in the seafood industry?

Because they are always dropping the bass

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Breachx4002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press conference

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:

Apply daily.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laymans_Terms19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
As an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry...

I mined my own business.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DirkDiggler6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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