I was bored writing my dissertation and this is the result. Didn't include fictional rappers because those could get pretty ridiculous, but I might someday. Included last words because I find them interesting, but keep in mind that last words, especially those before the modern era, are famously bullshit, so take most of this with a lot of salt.
I was expecting there to be a lot more battle references than there actually were.
John Lennon
Death: Shot four times in the torso by obsessed fan Mark David Chapman in the archway of his New York residence, age 40 (Dec 8, 1980 – New York, USA)
Last Words: “I’m shot, I’m shot!”
Battle Reference: None
Adolf Hitler
Death: Suicide by self-inflicted gunshot as his bunker was close to being taken by Soviet forces, age 56 (April 30, 1945 – Berlin, Germany)
Last Words: “Above all, I charge the leadership of the nation and their followers with the strict observance of the racial laws and with merciless resistance against the universal poisoners of all peoples, international Jewry.” (last will)
Battle Reference: “But when your bunker started getting fired up, you put a gun in your mouth and fired up” (Note: Hitler actually shot himself in the temple)
Abraham Lincoln
Death: Shot in the head by Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth while watching a play, age 56 (April 14 1865 –Washington D.C., USA)
Last Words: When asked by his wife Mary whether their friend would mind them holding hands: “She won’t think anything about it”
Battle Reference: “My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth”, “You stop bullets with your tears? I catch them with my skull”, “I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it.”
Macho Man Randy Savage
Death: Sudden heart attack while driving with his wife. Found to have an enlarged heart and advanced coronary artery disease. Age 58 (May 20, 2011 – Largo, USA)
Last Words: “I don’t feel too good”
Battle Reference: None, happened after battle
Kim Jong-Il
Death: Massive heart attack while traveling by train, according to state of media, although some contest this story. Age 70 (Dec 17, 2011 – Pyongyang, North Korea)
Last Words: Unknown
Battle Reference: None, happened after the battle
**Ludwig van Beeth
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
I won't be doing that today!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
Nothing, it just waved
