I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
They say 1 in 4 people are Dyslexic and there's 4 people in my office.
It's either Me or Darren or Kevin or Anal.
Its's Anal isnt it.
I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury
What do you call a finance minister who successfully completes his term in the office? BUCK-MINSTER-FULLER-RENE
The guy I suspect is a cannibal in the office always brings in something questionable.
Today was white chick in chili.
Why didn't Joe run for office in 2016?
What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..
They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.
If you rearrange the letters in post office
Your boss gets really mad.
I knew a man that got injured in a office supplies store
I don't know what happened to him all I know is that he got comPENsation.
1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...
I don't know which one is witch ?
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
Physician: So you’re telling me that you have an obsession with a certain file type in Microsoft Office?
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
Just another joke making rounds in the Office
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
”I can clearly see you're nuts....”
Started a job at an accounting apprenticeship office... took me an unreasonably long time to get the pun in their slogan
There is not mushroom left in this office..
Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
My dad was telling me about his doctor’s appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
- Excel is hands down the best software in Microsoft Office
After the contractor did a poor job installing the moving stairs in our office building my boss threw him down the steps.
Doctor! Doctor! there is an invisible man in your office.
Nurse tell him i can't see him.
Me: *arriving at the office after lunch in a nice red dress.*
My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!
Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
I just saw the maintenance guy change a lightbulb in our office.
He was climbing up the corporate ladder.
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.
I made a joke about wine in my office, no one laughed
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the “highlight” of my day
A man leaps into the Doctor's office, flashlight in his mouth, both hands behind his back, screaming "It's the mawkew! Oh God the Mawkew!!...
...I fell on my awt supplies and it went stwaight up my wectum"
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"
They said he wasn't Koalafied
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”
The perfect 2 in 1 office appliance: the PhotoCoffeer
How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade
Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.
To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.
And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!
Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
Found this shitty pun today in my office
I got in big trouble for the photos I sent to the women at the office.
I was so proud of my home improvement projects that I got caught sending them unsolicited deck pics.
Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores.
There will be an express lane for people with less than 12 teeth.
My boss warned me that I shouldn’t blow the whistle in the office anymore. He gave me one last chance.
But unfortunately, I blew it
I just saw your math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.
I bet he must be plotting something.
u/UsedFloorMatt
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury.
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in the Post Office
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award
means to me.
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.
I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.
I was voted by my coworkers as the “Most Secretive Guy” in the office.
I can’t tell how much this means to me.
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