Husbandmen Puns

They hoard the widow's mite and use it to (EDIT: STRATEGICALLY EFFECTIVELY SECRETLY) buy commercial properties.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

“But the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/114/mat.8.12.NKJV

In context this is the passage where Jesus heals the centurion's servant. But I don't understand who "the sons of the kingdom" are or why they would be cast out.

Is Jesus just referring to the sons of the worldly system? The sons of the devil's kingdom? It seems like a weird reference.

Thoughts?

I guess the concept didn't work

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Sir William Temple (1628-1699) advocated putting four-year-old kids to work in the factories, writing ‘‘for by these means, we hope that the rising generation will be so habituated to constant employment that it would at length prove agreeable and entertaining to them.’

I find this quote harrowing. Because these people succeeded.

I’m about to talk about a book full of quotes like this from the dawn of capitalism, but the following review provides a nice, brief-but-detailed-enough-to-get-your-blood-boiling-summary:

https://www.filmsforaction.org/news/recovered-economic-history-everyone-but-an-idiot-knows-that-the-lower-classes-must-be-kept-poor-or-they-will-never-be-industrious/

Wage labor is not only unnatural and relatively modern as a concept, it’s absurd and anything but accidental. It was designed by those who could no longer keep slaves to enslave us by other means.

How all did this begin? When slavery was all but ended and industrialisation needed workers, the original capitalists struggled to find them.

Why?

Have you ever wondered why hunting requires permits and licenses? Why poaching is a crime? Why you need a permit to fish or forage in most areas? Why no land is free to use?

The lower classes had to be coerced violently into wage labour because they didn’t need it. They were self sufficient. Wage labour was a violent thing inflicted on humanity and that it persists today as some kind of ‘natural order’ is horrifying.

Bear with me if this sounds crazy, because I understand that this goes against everything we’ve ever known or been taught or experienced. But I see many parallels happening now with the mentality of the working class back then and it’s inspiring.

Nothing illustrates this for me as well as the following passage from Michael Perelman’s The Invention of Capitalism:

“In most accounts of the world of the Highlanders, people displayed more reluctance to engage in wage labor. For example, Samuel Johnson observed that a pair of traditional Scottish brogues could be made at home in one hour. Commercially produced shoes sold for one-half crown per pair (Johnson 1774, 50). According to Adam Smith’s (1976, I.viii.31) estimates of wage rates for labor in the vicinity of Edinburgh, where workers were undoubtedly paid more than in the countryside, a citizen of that city would have to work for three full days to earn enough money to purchase a pair of shoes. Commercially produced shoes would need to have a great deal of appeal to induce

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Mathematical puns makes me number

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

He lost May

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

[removed]

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”