A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.

I still think he was selling himself short.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Virtual-Prime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Being too humble is my greatest meekness
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeezix55
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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A truck of Vicks vapor rub crashed on the highway...

Luckily there was no traffic congestion...

Humbly submitted, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Out of all the dairy products, cheese is the most humble

They are very grateful

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Elon Mask everyone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Why was the canabal lion so humble?

He swallowed his pride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinodogst123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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Life has been going pretty well for me lately and my wife told me I need to work on being more humble.

I told her when it comes to humility I'm #1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaseth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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A flagged pun [humble recreation]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koJJ1414
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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Church Alter Ego

This youth pastor is usually very humble, but once he stands on pulpit, he gets proud.

I think it’s his Altar ego

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leonelritchie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Gravity is so humbling.

It keeps me grounded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzyflosser
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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There have been years of analysis by mainframe computers but it was a humble supermarket self checkout which finally unlocked the secrets of how dogs communicate with each other.

Apparently, it's a series of bark codes.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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The donut is very humble.

You can say that it isn’t self centered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grassblox311
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.

Later as I walked past the hive where it came from I said "Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world." A few shouted back "It's good but we wouldn't say it was the best honey in the world."

Oh I thought, they must be humble bees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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My feet are rather humble but...

they're leg ends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
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While driving through Humble, TX, I dad-joked my friend

"You know you're not allowed to have any chickens in Humble?"
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, they're too cocky."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattO2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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What do you call a bee who never brags?

A humble bee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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The honorable baker walked into a room full of rolls

"All rise."

The baker said humbly, "you don't need to do that." The rolls responded:

"It's the yeast we can do."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingerpants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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I’m not narcissistic

I am way better than that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobleMoistHam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Did you hear about the scarecrow that got promoted?

He was outstanding in his field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deeman_27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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Last night, my fiancΓ© told me, "y'know, I really can't stand you right now."

So, I told her to sit down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwitchtheMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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Two Prawns are swimming in the sea

One Prawn is called Justin, the other is called Christian. Suddenly they are approached by a magic Cod who grants them each a wish. Christian been a humble Prawn is happy with his lot in life and declines the wish. Justin however asks for the Cod to turn him into a Shark.

Weeks later Justin hates being a Shark as all the other fish are scared and swim away. Justin manages to find the magic Cod who turns him back into a prawn.

Delighted Justin now a Prawn again finds his old friend and exclaims "I found Cod, I'm a Prawn again Christian!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matc7884
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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I'd never take part in a pie-eating competition

It's totally irrational, it would just go on forever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddym
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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How does the houseboat owner greet his guests?

β€œWelcome to my humble a-boat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yaquinaking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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What do you call a modest insect?

A Humble Bee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReLar_Timme
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Is this a pun, per se?

Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with herβ€”waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to popβ€”she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, β€œOmigod I’m as big as a house!”

And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:

β€œWell, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”

I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)

Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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What if they planted a bomb?

My cousin walked up on my front porch. Walked up by the door. Then turned around and walked away.

My little brother: What if they planted a bomb? Dad: It wouldn't grow. This was followed with 10 minutes of nonstop laughter. Just from him and my mother.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeo50900
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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Let me give you some pearls of wisdom, sonny boy.

Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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It's about time we got some wet grass.

I think it is dew.

(/r/jokes kicked me over here with my humble offering)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipWaterford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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The Three Kingdoms

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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Watching chopped with my dad.

A woman that was really cocky got chopped and my dad said this gem.

"Maybe she will come back and make some humble pie."

Jesus...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatKraken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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