Dad got me hook, line, and sinker.

My dad owns a small garden supply store. Today, he got a new shipment in, and as I was helping him unpack the boxes, I pulled out a couple fishing rods, which he's never stocked before.

Me: You gonna start selling fishing gear?

Dad: Yup.

Me: How come?

Dad: Just for the Halibut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graffitizoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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scared of heights
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonPittelleone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2023
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What's the difference between a tuna, piano and a pot of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwhhhYeahh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2022
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Can you believe I was bullied into taking up fishing as a hobby?

Man, talk about pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2022
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Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...

The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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A parrot walks into a bar

A parrot walks into a bar, slaps a small fish on top of the barstool, then stands on the fish and orders a drink. "What's with the fish?" the bartender asks. The parrot replies, "This is my perch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2022
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My son and I were hooking pegs onto a clothes line.

I said, if you drive you are a driver, if you hop then you are a hopper, so if you cook you are a cooker.

my son to his mother: Dad and I are hookers!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamadaeleleimy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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I saw the Peter Pan movie for the first time the other day.

I think I'm hooked.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keep_your_pandas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2022
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I was reading a great book about cocaine last night...

... After the first few lines, I was hooked.

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Findscoolalmost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2022
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Taking the bait
πŸ‘︎ 479
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2022
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Why are fish so gullible?

They fall for things hook, line and sinker!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fleececlover
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2022
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I’d tell jokes about a dog who watches over goats but..

You’ve probably herd them all.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rszim94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2022
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Dad joke level 9001
  • What does a baby computer call his father? - Data
  • I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
  • Where do pirates get their hooks? - Second hand stores.
  • My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
  • *If prisoners could take their own mug shots…*They’d be called cellfies.
  • Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnDead_Ted
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2022
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How do you call a fisherman who hasn’t caught any fish?

Inefishient.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DairyFrei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2022
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What did the fisherman say when he hooked the trophy fish?

This feels reel good.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wafflecheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2022
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What is a fisherman’s favorite instrument?

Castanets!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/readinredditagain
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2022
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Went fishing the other day

It was a bream come true

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirby_j3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2022
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no country in africa starts with 'k'
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzFlixi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2022
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Why does everyone like the fisherman?

He likes to keep it reel.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2022
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Taking the bait

Three animals - a hawk, a lion, and a skunk - are arguing about which of them is the most feared.

The hawk says he is the most feared, because he can swoop in suddenly from above.

The lion says he is the most feared, because of his loud roar and scary teeth.

The skunk says he is the most feared, because his spray can keep anything and everything at bay.

As they're arguing, a grizzly bear shows up, and with a single bite he swallows them, hawk, lion and stinker.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2022
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I just received a notice that I could win $10,000 in a fishing tournament that I could enter at no charge

I thought, "I know there's a catch somewhere."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2022
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I wanted to make sure my daughter would be good at catching fish…

So I named her Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndreT_NY
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2022
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Disney Pun

We’re at Disneyland today, and I’m reminded of an old story about rodents that love to steal baked goods. They use those hooks that close and lock, and slide down power lines to break in to bakeries. They are the Pie Rats of the Carabiner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2022
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The Snail Trials

One day a father and son got recruited into this race where they had to overcome a challenge: build a small toy boxcar that is only powered by an animal. It would be them and another team. The other team was lucky, they had hamsters as pets so naturally chose those. All this son and father had were fish and some small snails.

They got to designing and the irony of using snails for a fast car was not lost on them but they persevered. They discovered that the race track would be down the town hill. They got thinking and discovered that the slime trail the snails left was quite slick so they decided they would grease the cars axles with the slime and it was phenomenal how fast their car would go but they still doubted it would beat the other team. After all they had hamsters AND gravity.

The day of the race came and they saw that the other team had hooked up their hamster wheel to the axels and dangled some lettuce in front. Oh how fast those hamsters ran! Disappointment hung heavy on the father and son but they continued to apply those snails to the axles. The officials came by and marked the racers: an H for hamster and an S for snail. People placed bets and sniggered at how easy of a bet it was. Everybody held chips marked H for the clear winner except the father and son who held seemingly the only S tokens in the crowd. Still the father and son applied those snails to those axles on that S-marked racer.

The time of the race had come! The pistol shot and the cars went. H was in the lead easily right after the pistol. After all, hamsters are excellent accelerators. But something miraculous happened. At the very last moment S caught up, the snail slime finally working it's magic. In the last 50 feet it seemed the snails would win! As they gained and gained the father and son began jumping and whooping and as the snails and the hamsters approached within throwing distance of the finish line the son couldn't contain his excitement and yelled out

"S Car, Go!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSunshoes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2022
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[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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Fishing for puns

I was going to write a fishing pun, but couldn't find the right line... I asked a mate for help, but that turned into a debait... I tried casting my mind back to when I last heard a fishing pun, but that didn't reely work... If you're also hooked on puns and can help me out, I'd love to sea what fishing stories you can drag up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyGifts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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My dad's fishing jokes are appalling.

I was telling my dad about my JAWS essay that is due in a couple of days and this is the conversation that followed.

Me: I'm writing out my JAWS essay.

Dad: Ok sounds a bit fishy.

Me:That's a terrible joke.

Dad: Hook line and sinker

ME: Stahp. I can't handle the dad jokes anymore.

Dad: Holy mackerel he's growing up

Me: You seriously can't make anymore up.

Dad: I'm having a whale of a time.

Me: Really?

Dad: Yes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dropboy6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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I was a con man trying to scam some fish...

Let's say they brought my story hook line and sinker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fructose_Father_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Meet the Jack of all dadjokes!

I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.

So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.

After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

Woman: Are you freezing?

Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)

Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.

and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.

Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happyazz84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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I was bullied into taking up fishing.

Yes, it's true, I caved to pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemesis0884
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2022
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