There were many factors that led to the mutiny on the HMS bounty in 1789. The most significant grievance was that:

They ran out of paper towels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What did the stubborn man say when the yoga instructor tried to get hm to leave?

Nah, Imma stay (namaste)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Hm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruggedramen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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[PS4] LF1M HM Aksis Pt 2

Post LL and PSN. We are attempting checkpoint but it's not a deal breaker if we can't get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrwhizkid97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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I tried smoking once...

Now I'm hookah-ed

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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I need help solving a pun/riddle.

Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.

So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.

However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Hipster_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Peed spelled backwards?

Now that’s deep.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beckandrews
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What do you call somebody with two butts?

Biased

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why is it always so drafty in football stadiums?

Because of all the fans.

Hm. This might be funnier after social distancing measures are safely eased.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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You shouldn't trust atoms

They make up everything!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moon1499
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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"Dyslexa?"

"Play Alexspacito."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K3R3G3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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β€œDad, what is a joke I can post on Reddit to get a lot of upvotes?”

β€œHm, that’s a good question, son. I think I have an idea.”

β€œOkay, dad. What is it?”

β€œYou should post a story about an old man tying balloons to his house to fly away and a Boy Scout joining him as they float down to South America.”

β€œWhy would I post that, dad?”

β€œBecause then when people like it, you’ll get a lot of Up votes.”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PawneeCityCouncil
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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My brother was stressing that someone in our house could contract the coronavirus by going out for supplies.

My dad responded: "We could all be getting viruses from our computers right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Is the β€œStud Finder” joke the quintessential dad joke?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinspawn2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Just for a minute

Me: hm I thought I was 5:30 My husband: it was just for a minute.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishlett8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Edgy names

Coworker (reading an article online): "Hm a 'List of Baby Names with an Edge'"

Me: "You mean like Cliff?"

Nobody laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dafrizzy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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A man walks into an ice cream parlor

and says, β€œGive me two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter says, β€œI’m sorry sir, we’re out of chocolate.”

The man replies with, β€œwell, in that case...hm... give me two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter says, β€œSir, I’m sorry but we’re out of chocolate.”

The man, thinking hard this time says, β€œWell, I want two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter, now irate, says, β€œSir, can you spell the straw in strawberry?”

β€œS-T-R-A-W”

β€œCan you spell the van in vanilla?”

β€œV-A-N”

β€œCan you spell the fuck in chocolate?”

The man thinks for a second and says, β€œThere is no β€˜fuck’ in chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter slaps the countertop with his hand and says, β€œThat’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! There is no fuckin’ chocolate.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maaack3nzi3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I may never fully recover from this one.

As my family was driving to a restaurant, my mom pointed out a cool looking Audi car.
My dad: "Hm, I wonder when they will make innies?"
Needless to say, there was much "uhg"-ing on this night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Protoss_Pylon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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What do you call a veterinarian that starts his own business?

An entrepeneuter!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ss5gogetunks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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I tried to order a fruit basket for my friend, but he ended up receiving budoir pictures of his mom!

That's the last time i order from oedipal arrangements!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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passing a cemetery

"Did you know that no one living on this street is allowed to be buried here?"

"Hm, no.. why not?"

"It's illegal to bury the living, honey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/something_secret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
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I knew it was a matter of time before my dad made these jokes.

My mom and dad were talking about my great uncle, who has cataracts.

My mom: "He has cataracts but he's working on getting them removed"

Dad: "Well maybe he could find a nice Toyota after he sells those cataracts."

(Cadillacs)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2_F_Jeff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
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My dad has used this joke after every single haircut I've gotten since I was 5.

Dad: Hey, where did you get your haircut? Me: Uh, I think it was a Supercuts. Dad: Hm, that's weird. I usually get mine on my head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SavioSega
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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Got my son yesterday

So we were coming back from a mountain biking trip and we passed a sign that said "Coda." Both of us being musicians I said, "Hm, looks like we're gonna have to go back there when we get home."

If you don't get it in some musical pieces the composer will put in a coda. They could put in a DS al coda or DC al coda which means either go back to the beginning or a weird s marking, play to the word coda then skip to the coda symbol and play to the end.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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Got some great news from my dad yesterday

Him: My test results came in. The tumors in my lungs and back haven't spread and have begun shrinking thanks to the treatment.

Me: That's wonderful!!!

Him: They're still there but at least they haven't increased by one and become tremors.

Me: Hm? I don't ge......oh goddammit.

My dad everyone. Even when battling cancer, there's still time to make a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitesummerside
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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Cortana is the ultimate dad...

Knock knock jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FbhaoJR.png

http://i.imgur.com/lV4fkX5.png

http://i.imgur.com/KhMJWE1.png

http://i.imgur.com/u5bGCKl.png

http://i.imgur.com/WV0ozHa.png

http://i.imgur.com/bnbQwMh.png

Regular jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FSpBRve.png

http://i.imgur.com/BimhVEg.png

http://i.imgur.com/hmT1VXU.png

http://i.imgur.com/mOtfMsH.png

http://i.imgur.com/qHmY3BG.png

http://i.imgur.com/fc3M93G.png

http://i.imgur.com/IGErA97.png

http://i.imgur.com/DCN90VQ.png

http://i.imgur.com/zG5hetR.png

http://i.imgur.com/Ff1x8Zm.png

http://i.imgur.com/tUKALrn.png

http://i.imgur.com/0Coe17Y.png

http://i.imgur.com/S7gltN7.png

http://i.imgur.com/Pjs3xjN.png

http://i.imgur.com/VPnE7bJ.png

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
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My buddy just got me.

Saw an edition of reader's digest.

Me: Hm. How you can outsmart diabetes.

Buddy: ... it's learning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rentedcargo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Never heard of that show..

Driving down a steep hill with my dad.

he reads out loud a sign that says "WATCH DOWNHILL SPEED"

"hm.. i've never heard of that show."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCV_JARHEAD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
🚨︎ report
So my pair of Beats broke

Dad: Where'd they break?

Me: Right here.

Dad: Hm, I think you should take them to Doctor Dre.

God damnit Dad

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyingButtresses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
He almost made me feel bad about it.

Scene: We had just gone hiking and I was in the car checking myself for ticks. I found one and threw it out the window.

Dad: Hey, stop litter bugging.

Me: What? I'm not!

Dad: Hm, you're right. You're bug littering!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smorisson28
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
🚨︎ report

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