A list of puns related to "Hear Song"
It's more of a rap.
He has the My Sharonavirus.
They were a Juan hit wonder.
Lettuce Turnip the Beet!
It was about a minor miner in f minor
They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".
Itβs called Taco Bellβs canon.
It's a slow jam.
They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"
It was Crimea River
Itβs SICK!!!! So catchy.....
Apparently he has seen a lot of trouble.
It's really more of a wrap.
Do you?
I'm all about the bass the bass the bass No treble (hook)
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Edit: Sorry if the joke is terrible, I just made it up.
Prevent irregular vowel movement.
"Thanks for the Baghdad."
Me: You got the goods?
Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.
Me: My, what a steel!
Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?
Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.
Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?
Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--
Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?
Student: I got I got I got I got...
Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.
Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.
Me: Which other places?
Friend: The Galactic Empire.
Guy: I hate spam.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
...
Someone: Son of a gun...
Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!
Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:
Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.
Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.
Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.
Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.
Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.
Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".
(Technically I haven't heard any joke before, but...)
I was telling my dad about tactile sign, which is what deafblind people use to communicate. It is like signing condensed ASL with someone's hands on yours, and it is what I plan on specializing in when I am a Certified Deaf Interpreter. He brought up Helen Keller and the conversation went as follows.
Dad: "But how many people can really do that? How many people could really communicate with Helen Keller?"
Me: "Well-"
Dad: "PROBABLY JUST A HANDFUL!"
I'm borderline convinced he deafened me as an infant in hopes that someday the set up for this joke would present itself.
The song playing from my phone said something about growing old and my brother responded with this gem: "You always hear about people growing old, but they never talk about harvesting it."
Needless to say headshakes were had.
EDIT: Spelling.
...He could hear from the music and the roar of all the people, it sounded like it was going to be a lot of fun so he got in line to buy a ticket. Once inside he ran into Sally, whom he'd had a massive crush on since grade 3, seven long years ago. They danced up a storm all night, and he felt like tonight was going to "end well". 10 or 15 songs later they had worked up quite a thirst. They meandered over to the drink table and asked the guy in front of them if this was the line to get a drink, and he replied "That's right, this is the punchline".
"How Bizarre" by OMC was playing
Her: I swear I hear this song every time we're here.
Me: How bizarre.
Her: Just cause you're a dad now doesn't mean you can use your dad jokes on me.
I visited Detroit yesterday and walked to the riverwalk (which Canada is right across the water). As my wife and I are taking in the view I hear behind us:
random dad: "Oh... Canada"
family: ...
rd; "you know, they should make a song like that."
family: ...
rd: "actually with those exact words; Oh Canada....."
For all of my life, my brain has played a soundtrack. At all times, in all places, I hear music going through my head, from the moment I awaken in the morning until I go to sleep at night. I can only shut it off by listening to other music, watching a movie, etc. but it soon starts up again once the outside source of stimulus is removed.
Yesterday I was travelling. When I visited the restroom prior to boarding my flight, the the music in my head suddenly switched tracks from "I've Been Everywhere Man" (that got really old after the first hour. Oy!) to "Africa" by Toto. "That's odd", I thought to myself, "the music in my head usually doesn't switch tracks unless something has changed around me." I finished my business, cleaned up, stood up, and turned around to flush.
Then I saw it. There, emblazoned on the porcelain, was the word "TOTO". The manufacturer of the toilet. "Nice job, brain, funny, hah-hah," I thought to myself.
The song in my head came to an abrupt halt. Silence, for just one moment. Blessed silence. Rare for me. Then I realized. My brain was giving me time to digest the previous joke. Waiting for me to think I'd arrived at the punch line. Pausing for a beat before it delivered the next one. "Africa" started over again, telling me exactly why the DJ deciding songs in my head had picked this exact moment, this exquisite situation, this exact set of circumstances to deliver the internal Dad Joke of the year:
"Doodoo doo-doo doodoo do dooooooooo...."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
So last night I was sitting doing my homework and listening to music. The song that was on was the sound of silence cover by disturbed. I was just writing something down when my dad came in and I asked me what I was listening to. So I said "I'm listening to the sound of silence". And then he says "wow you're dumb I can obviously hear something". I the groaned and moaned for about 5 minutes.
"AND I'LL SHOW YOU A LOUNGE FULL OF COW SHIT"
EVERY TIME my Dad hears this song, in public regardless of setting, he'll change the lyrics and say this just loud enough to be heard. God damnit Dad.
My dad works at a church, and stopped into a birthday celebration for a member of our funeral choir. After asking for a piece of cake, they insisted that he sing a song. After singing, something they said he should join their choir to which he responded: "I heard people are dying just to hear you guys sing."
He told me they all groaned at him, but I laughed at that.
My 8th grade English teacher was a huge dad-joker, even though he was like 25 at the time (this was 3 years ago)
He was playing at his desk with a ton of rubber bands, making them taut then flicking them to hear their vibration. I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Creating the first song to my new band, we call ourselves the Rubber Band."
Not the best, but I certainly groaned.
Did you hear that new middle eastern song they're playing on the radio?
What a Baghdad had
My son hear the word "amnesia" in a song on the radio and says "I've heard that word before, but I forgot what it means."
He thought it was funny when I explained why I was laughing, too.
Tim Horton's should play music by The Who and The Guess Who. Whenever someone is asked "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", especially to younger people that don't listen to classic rock, they might not know. You can tell them, in a real coy (not Real McCoy) manner, that it is what Horton hears in the Dr. Seuss books. If they guess correctly, they could win a prize. If not, tell them either to really "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", and see if they catch on.
*The idea for this is from listening to all the times my dad would make us Guess Who was playing the song in the car or he would say Who is playing this song right now and we would guess incorrectly until we caught on. It's a long running dad joke, so you better catch it before it takes off.
Whenever my Dad hears the song "Feliz Navidad" he sings "Feliz Navi DAD".
We have the old-rock radio station playing in our office and I was mockingly humming along to the tunes of one of the songs.
Then my supervisor says, "Oh I know you are not making fun of Def Leppard."
"It's not like they would be able to hear me if I was." I replied.
No one laughed, but the manager walked out of his office to say, "Come on guys, you have to admit that one was good."
Dad was working in my town for the weekend and we met up for ice cream. I had walked so he was driving me home and at the red light a car next to us with a bunch of teenagers in it. The music was so loud we had trouble hearing each other in the car and the base was turned up to the point where you could feel your skin vibrate.
Dad just turns to me and shouts-- This song is really good! But I'd really like to hear the treble part too
cue groan
Dad: Did you hear how the guy who sang the song, "On The Road Again", died?
Me: No dad
Dad: He was hit by a car
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