You guys hear about the new rock band that has 4 men but donโ€™t sing?

Called Mount Rushmore

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/streety22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto.

It's something that a hundred men or more could never do...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/engineerwho_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Did you hear about the guy that named his phone and taught it to sing?

Sam sung in the choir.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wofguy3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Did you hear about the pirate who wanted to sing soprano?

He loves to hit the high seas.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dye_Fledermau5
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2015
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Did you hear my computer sing? It's "a Dell."
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vegtosterone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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After hearing me sing my music teacher suggested I should be a tenor.....

Tenor twelve feet away from earshot.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing โ€œDonโ€™t stop Believingโ€.

It was an unexpected Journey.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wolfyfancylads
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.

Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who keeps singing songs by The Knack?

He has the My Sharonavirus.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ryanooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Did you hear about the singing farmer who was big in the 80s?

He was Haulin' Oats.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LtSnakePlissken
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Did you hear about the song that Ella Fitzgerald was singing on the banks of the Alma in Ukraine?

It was Crimea River

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ClassyScotsman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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Listening to the video of 4 Russian girls singing beautifully. My wife hears and asks me if they are Russian.

I said no, they were taking their time.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/designatedjohnny
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
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Whenever my dad hears someone singing...

He says, "You know...before you can learn to sing tenor, you first have to learn to sing niner..."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dexreddit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
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Did you hear about the baseball player who was on that singing show?

He was a little pitchy.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DBones90
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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After telling this one I could hear the angels singing

My mom turns on the radio and we are immediately greeted with that boring sort of Christian music without any lyrics or discernible point in any way just sort of doodling around. Very similar to hold music. Annoying stuff.

Mom: "How do you like this Christian elevator music?"

Me: "...It's very..uplifting"


^After ^giving ^my ^retort ^she ^announced ^that ^that ^was ^"the ^worst" ^which ^I ^immediately ^took ^as ^"the ^best" ^coming ^from ^a ^mom.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jack-elda
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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My dad posted this picture on Facebook. He just got a Facebook and a new smart phone. He learns quickly.

http://imgur.com/9M4dGnO

My dad is notoriously bad with electronics. I have no idea how he did this but nonetheless, it made me sigh.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/broccolibush42
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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You know, I'm such a good singer, people always ask me to sing solo

......solo they can't hear me.

Coincidentally, they also ask me to sing tenor.

.....tenor twelve miles away.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SpaghettiSquawk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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My sister was singing while eating dinner

So my dad told her, "You should sing solo. Solo that nobody can hear you."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Arnav_is_Awesome
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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Someone told me that I sing "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind really poorly

So if nobody wants to hear me sing, I would understand

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Draykonslayer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, โ€œDo you want a liftโ€. โ€œNo thanksโ€, they replied, โ€œWeโ€™re Walkersโ€.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all ยฃ5 apart from one that was ยฃ10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said โ€œthatโ€™s maderia cakeโ€.


Bought some cream, it said โ€œstore in a cool placeโ€. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says โ€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherโ€. The doctor says โ€œIโ€™m afraid you are a trifle deafโ€.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisiteโ€ฆ โ€“what a pity it isnโ€™t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamโ€™s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itโ€™s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itโ€™s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyโ€™s death? BEN and JERRY.


Donโ€™t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonโ€™t be able to budge.


You know youโ€™re a mom ifโ€ฆ Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say โ€œOLE!โ€


FORGET LOVEโ€ฆ Iโ€™

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2017
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He said it almost every car ride

While driving in the car listening to 60's - 70's rock radio station

Led Zeppelin, ACDC, Foghat etc. would come on and my Dad would immediately start singing. Somewhere down the line he blatantly screws up the lyrics loud enough for all of us to hear and would say...

Smacking the drivers wheel "Damn, I really hate when the radio stations mess up the lyrics like that"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blackcactuswes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DontFuckWithMyMoney
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Funeral Choir

My dad works at a church, and stopped into a birthday celebration for a member of our funeral choir. After asking for a piece of cake, they insisted that he sing a song. After singing, something they said he should join their choir to which he responded: "I heard people are dying just to hear you guys sing."

He told me they all groaned at him, but I laughed at that.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ninjatertl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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Singing around my dad always resulted in this...

"Can you sing tenor? Ten or twelve miles away?"

"Can you sing solo? So low we can't hear you?"

Every.single.time.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cehenley
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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Sigh.

Whenever my Dad hears the song "Feliz Navidad" he sings "Feliz Navi DAD".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ucanify
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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My 3yo daughter is ready to be a dad...

My daughter was happily singing "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" in the bath, for 'tis the season. My wife returned home and from downstairs called "I can hear some beautiful singing from somewhere!"

Me: "Yes, I think we have a siren in the bath!"

Daughter, without skipping a beat: "Nee naa, nee naa, nee naa!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chibolamoo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher said that I should be tenor.

Ten or twenty feet away from her at all times.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher suggested that I should be tenor.

Ten or twelve feet away from her at all times.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I can sing a really good solo

But I sing it solo you might not hear it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sturdybutter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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