Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Praying mantis puns got me laughing my head off
Doctor, I can't get this turban off my head!
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off
I think they're stalking me
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked
Off the top of my head...
I can't seem to remember where I left my hat.
"What's the client's name?" "I couldn't tell you off the top of my head."
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
A man walks into the Drs office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "What can I do for you today?" The duck says "Doc, can you get this guy off my tail?"
My friend told me to tell a Jesus pun off the top of my head;
I totally nailed it.
It was a good pun, too. The Holy Grail of All jesus puns.
“Why are you shaving off your kid’s head, Mrs. Ice?”
The art forgeries were discovered when the heads fell off the statues
Saw 4 baby birds in a nest, 3 were close together beaks wide open and squawking for attention. The 4th was off to the side beak closed head down..
I'm no bird expert but I'm guessing 3 females and 1 male.
What does the dad bee say to the son bee when he heads off to school?
"Bee on your best beehive-ior!"
I was getting a rabbit trap off the top shelf in my garage when it fell on my head.
It got caught in my hair.
Today my mom opened the pantry and a box of cereal fell off the top shelf and hit her head.
Dad (sitting at the kitchen table) "GASP A CEREAL KILLER!!"
I died.
So my dad was fixing a ceiling fan today and my mom said if she turned on the fan it would cut off his little head.
"No, that's my big head." he replied.
My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard...
...but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
My wife told me she's slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer !
Don't worry guys, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Someone keeps sending me roses with the heads cut off
I think I'm being stalked.
Someone keeps sending me flowers with all the heads cut off
I think I’m being stalked
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