The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.
(This is my No-L greeting.)
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.
Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.
"A happy man is one who has found meaning in life"
Happy Birthday Beethoven
In honor of Ludwig von Beethoven's 250th birthday ...
What is Beethoven doing to celebrate his 250th birthday?
He's decomposing!
You know, I had such a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down the hill.
Every meal is a Happy Meal....
.....if you leave your kids at home.
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
What do you call a happy cowboy?
You know about the happy Roman?
If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy taken,
Happiness comes from drugs, not relationships.
Why are frogs always so happy?
They eat what ever bugs them
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
My daughter texted me wondering why I was so happy all day.
I replied that it was my cake day, but she never reddit.
People are not happy with Englands new COVID policy.
The whole country is in tiers
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
I'm quite happy how this play played.
Happy Halloween!
I love this holiday so much that I can almost forget I won't be able to make rent tomorrow by 1 measly dollar.
Why was the electrician happy to arrive at his house after work?
Because there’s no place like ohm.
How do you make a dog happy?
My Wife and I were blissfully happy for 25 magical years..
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
This makes me “pear”y happy! See what I did there??
My daughter, Eliza, kept asking me to use my 3D printer to make monogrammed chairs for her dolls. Last Sunday I printed over 100 of them. She was so happy. She started putting them on everything for decoration.
We had a Sunday, everything with a chair E on top.
I lost most of my retirement to that guy from Happy Days.
It was a real Fonzi scheme.
Happy Sunday everyone
Sundays are always a little bit sad, but the day before is a sadder day
Happy Father’s Day
As a child I don’t think fathers realize how much we love and appreciate them and wanted to share it, even though this isn’t a joke.
Mom wished me a happy Sunday this morning
Why was the lightbulb happy when it burnt out?
Did you hear about the introvert who was so happy living in Antarctica?
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
How do you make the candles on your cake really happy?
Just blow them out! They'll be delighted!!
I was told to play Magic to be happy
But Happiness is just not in the cards
Came up with this one myself. I learned today there is not a single card in Magic the Gathering named Happiness.
Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"
Figured this was the ideal moment to repost this ol’ pun. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a happy childhood, dad would roll me down the hill in a tire
What do call a happy cowboy?
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