A little pun about the habits of chocolates
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adreamreaper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2022
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We have a habit in our family, we always keep a few dollars in our pants’ back pocket

It’s in our jeans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doublechin222
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2022
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Doing yoga broke my habit of biting my nails

I bite my toenails now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HahaChickenGoBrrr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2022
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My wife has a habit of sending me lots of funny internet pictures.

Sometimes they're not great, but overall I know she memes well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketyacht
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2022
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My friends say my brake fluid habit is an addiction

But I can stop any time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/owenevans00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2022
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Don't get into a habit !!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2021
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Nuns are morning people.

A friend of mine is a nun, and she's up at 5:00 every day.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"Simple," she answered, "you get into the habit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2022
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Shakespeare had a bad habit of chewing pencils

It was so badly chewed I could hardly tell if it was 2B or not 2B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradterminatot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2021
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I miss my ex-girlfriend, we split up over her constant habit of counting..

Wonder what She's up to now..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2021
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I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits

Pulp fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daymanahaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I'm thinking about changing my spelling habits when I write stories to the British spelling of words like colour or honour.

I feel like it'll be more immersive, because it really puts u into the narrative.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/applezombi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2021
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It took me 6 years to kick the habit

Boy, was that nun mad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kthejoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
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I collect bikes and today I bought a bike stand

To support my habit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Number1aOkGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2022
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A woman walks into a library...

She goes up to the librarian and asks "Hey, can I have a ham sandwich?"

The librarian replies "Ma'am, this is a library..."

She replies "Oh..."

Then she whispers "can i have a ham sandwich?"

My little sister's joke. Cracks me up everytim.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Young_Ian
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2022
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They said had to kick my cocaine habit so…

I went off the rails

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TIFUstorytime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
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I’m gonna drop you like a bad habit

Ineffectively, after several failed attempts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2021
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You do know that modern appliances are really spying on us, and sending back data on our habits. In fact..

Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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My girlfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't stop making Linkin Park references

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eymr_eymr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2022
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How many times can a nun rip her outfit

before it becomes a bad habit?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyrron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2022
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Why was the Nun always naked?

She just got out of the habit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_justlooking_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2022
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Father's Gift: And on-going saga (not a Dad joke, per se - sorry)

Didn't know where to post this; but since it's Father's Day, I wanted to tell you all about a little family tradition that started because Dad, is Dad.

18 years ago (Not about, trust me, I know this one to the date) I was over Dad's house and I needed a wrench, and coming from a long line of mechanics, I knew he's have one available as I didn't have my kit in my car, so I asked to borrow one.

Dad of course said yes, handed me the mechanic's tool box, and just out of habit, I opened it and immediately noticed that a Craftman's 7/16, ratchet-end wrench was missing.

Again, I come from a LONG line of mechanics; every tool has its place, be it in a drawer, box or outlined on a peg board, and I thought it was weird that Dad lost a wrench out of the spare / house tool kit.

"You're missing a 7/16." I pointed out, showing him the missing slot.

Now Dad, being Dad, just had to bust on me a bit, so looking me dead in the eyes and beaming a huge smile he responded: "It was there when I gave it to you."

Mind you, I hadn't left the kitchen. I hadn't so much as shifted my FEET. I knew he was lying, he knew he was lying, but it had been ingrained in me since childhood that losing a tool is a death sentence.

Now, I knew he was busting my balls and I let it go; but from that day forward, anytime we needed something, he'd make a comment like "Sure wish I had that 7/16th wrench that Coyote lost." or "You know what would fix it? That missing 7/16th wrench."

This went on for MONTHS. So one day, he made the usual "tease me for losing a tool" comment and I warned him. I looked him in the eyes and said:

"Say it ONE more time old man, and you're going to get that wrench every Birthday, Father's Day and Christmas for the rest of your natural life."

Few hours passed, I asked him to hand me a tool and he said: "I can't you lost it, remember?"

I laughed, and played it off -but it was on...and that was 18 years ago.

Today, being Father's day, he just received his 52nd craftsman's ratchet-end, 7/16th wrench.

Since that day, he's tried telling me that he knows that I didn't lose it, (I knew that already) that I don't need to buy it (Oh, I fucking DO.), and he's occasionally tried to say it was a different size or item to get a different present, but we both know that's not happening.

They're everywhere. Every coffee can, junk drawer, cabinet, tool box, peg board or spare nail in the house and garage contains a Craftsman's 7/16 ratchet end wrench. You know how they say you'r

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleCoyote
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2022
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A Priest notices....

A Priest notices that one of the Nuns in his church always arrives for prayers wearing raggedy old clothes. He gives her a brand new clean set for free but she still wears the old ones.

"Sister, why do you always wear the same worn, old clothes?" He asks her. "Every night when I get home from church, I hang them up in the same place, then I'm still not properly awake before morning prayer so I always go and put them on. I guess it's an old Habit!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reckless_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2022
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Why did the nun keep waking in the night?

She had a bad sleeping habit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theotheririshkiwi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2022
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Some of my friends make The Offspring puns, some of them violently hate them

I guess I gotta keep em separated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2022
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The Catholic Church has commissioned for durable nun clothing made from Kevlar

It’s a hard habit to break.

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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2022
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Did you hear that priests are now allowed to kiss nuns?

As long as they don’t get into the habit.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2022
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What do you call a priest who dresses in a nun's habit?

A Transistor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Did you hear about the new racing game that makes you involuntarily repeat the same mission over and over?

It's Forza Habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olerid02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2022
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Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Nun's clothing is surprisingly hard to sew.

On average it takes 66 days to form a new habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesoulless78
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2022
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Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again

I guess she's just in the habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fairlybludgeoned
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2022
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Just adopted a new dog. He's a bit mean and has a habit of barking by the sides of cliffs.

I guess he's just a little ruff around the edges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knightly1818
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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Unfortunately, I had to quit my job making clothes at the convent...

...

...

...

...

...

...

It was just way too habit forming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSteveA
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2022
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I used used to be addicted to soap…

I clean now though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/max101707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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How much of Northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditmanagement_
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Did you hear about the nun who ripped her old clothes apart?

She was breaking a bad habit

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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2022
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Who do you talk to if you want to blackmail a nun?

The person who does their laundry. They know all the nun's bad habits.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2022
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I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards

It was nail-biting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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My dog Minton has a terrible habit of eating shuttlecocks....

Bad Minton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I have a bad habit of not finishing things
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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What is a clumsy nun's favorite song?

Breaking the Habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XColdLogicX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2022
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Why do nuns always wear the same thing?

It’s a habit !!!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fletch-8221
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2022
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Why do nuns always wear the same outfit?

Force of habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2022
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I have this bad habit

Of not finishing the

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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