I mean, you can never have enough but I bought family size and I CAN’T STOP EATING THEM AND I THINK RALPH IS JUDGING ME- he keeps peering over his newspaper and giving me weird looks
Who wants them please take them away
If you've ever wanted to relive the unsurprised disappointment you felt when you found out that one of the Backstreet Boys was on Parler, then check out New York's hottest club, MOM! We're Out of Fruit Gushers! Located in the social hall of Temple Beth Israel in Scarsdale, This core millennial fever dream has EVERYTHING:
- Sky Dancers
- Pocahontas beach towels
- Your Hebrew School teacher attempting a kid-friendly explanation of the Second Intifada
- Those disturbing Jar Jar Binks push pops
- A Gen Z kid about to make JNCO jeans trendy again and only you can stop them
Then make your way to the dance floor and cut a rug with our special musical guest, Visigoth disco supergroup The Pillage People. And if that's not enough for you, who's making a surprise appearance tonight? It's literary heavyweight champion Stone Cold Jane Austen! It is a truth universally acknowledged that she's going to kick your ass this Sunday in a chairs and ladders match!
There's no bouncer; the door is instead guarded by that guy from your Elementary Japanese class freshman year. His Toyota Camry smells like McDonald's, and he's ready to show you his skills with the blade.
The amount of actual "gush" inside of a Gusher is so little that sometimes you can't even tell if it's there. The texture is really unpleasant as well. You don't even get to swallow most of it because it sticks to the corners of your teeth like some kind of mutant caramel.
