Grant's Puns

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”

Genie: what is your 2nd wish rich.

It's Gone

Genie: What will your wish be?

Henry: I want to be rich

Genie: Of course, your wish is granted. What will you second wish be?

Rich: I want a lot of money...

Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.

Genie: Sue me

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I said, “No. I love Love Actually actually.”

Genie said, *That's a weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

Miss-o-genie

He wasn’t a flight risk.

Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.

And now I live with Snow White and six other dwarves in the forest...

And yes, I do have to tell them all to stop feeling me all the time.

He is a microbiologist

He was on cloud nein.

"I didn't say she was insane", exclaims Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy."

And now he’s taking chemo

He said: A glass, some ice and tonic.

...but most people take it for granite

Because he was POLE LIGHT (very funny!!!)

Next morning, I tested positive for Covid.

I General Lee don’t find them funny

They were never gonna give Hugh Up. They were never gonna let Hugh down.

I must have rubbed him the wrong way

Grant Wood

A guy pulls up to a restaurant in a sports car with an ostrich in the passenger seat. He heads inside and sits down at a table with the ostrich. He finishes his meal and it’s time for the check of $31.43.

When the server walks over the guest hands him exactly $31.43 from his pocket. “Oops, I forgot the tip” he says, and hands the server $6.29 (20%) straight from his pocket without looking.

Server: Uhh thanks for the tip, but how did you… never mind. I gotta ask, what’s the deal with the bird?

Guest: Well, about a year ago I found this magic lamp, and a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes. So of course my first wish was a sports car…

Server: that’s foolish, you could have wished for anything.

Guest: true, that’s why my second wish was a bit more practical. I wished to always have the exact amount of money I need in my pocket.

Server: smart, but again… what’s with the bird?

Guest: (looks over at ostrich) oh her? My 3rd wish was for a chick with long legs.

Because the bank did not grant him the rank of Mastercard.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "if you give me free beer I'll show you something really cool." The bartender agrees and the man pulls out a tiny pianist. The bartender asks him how he got that tiny pianist and he tells him there is a wizard outside granting wishes, imeddiately the bartender runs outside, he then comes back in 5 minutes later and says "I asked for 1 million bucks and he gave me 1 million ducks!" To which the man responds "you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

Medium Rawr

Attempted Mordor

The newspaper headline reads, "LOCAL MAN HAS FOUR CHINS!"

Taken from fb

Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.

I General Lee don't find them funny.

Now I live in a cottage with 6 other dwarfs and I work in a mine.

The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

I General Lee don't find them funny at all.