Every time I ask my son what a new phrase means, he tells me to google it.

Kids these days have a lot of slang for a killer clown movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3fbr0nd0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA

Set to be called the Google Chromosome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Google's street view cars have taken *car*tography to a whole new level.
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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My friend said the new Google logo has no character...

I responded that it has six

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πŸ‘€︎ u/witz33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
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Just dadjoked my wife after we used Google's new Duo app

Wife and I both use Android devices. I converted her from an iPhone.

Wife: I really like this app, now I don't miss facetime as much.

Me: Ya it's great. We can viDuo chat anytime we want.

Wife: smh

Edit: for those unfamiliar with Duo https://duo.google.com/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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Google's new smartphone.

Dad walks up to me today.

Dad- "You hear that Google is making a new smartphone?"

Me- "No? Don't really follow things like that closely."

Dad- "Uh yeah, it's kind of like the Iphone.... They call it the Googly EyePhone."

So I proceeded to give him the idea to stick some actual googly eyes on his Iphone. Now I'm sure he will pull out this joke any chance he can get...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkaSC2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My best work so far.

At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dafuq0_0
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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My sister just dad joked me. Caught me off guard and made me proud.

My sister and I share an office working in the family business. This morning she turned to me and said, "Did you hear that Wisconsin got a new slogan for their license plates?"

"They did?" I say, as I immediately bring up Google and start looking up Wisconsin license plates.

"Yeah," She says with a grin. "It's 'Come smell our dairy air.'"

This was followed by lots of laughing and immediately calling family to share this new, glorious joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMightGetBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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