Good Pet Puns

They need to grow up in a stable environment.

Now I'm feeling a little down.

Their names are crabA and crabB

I'd say it's got it's crows and caws.

…because they’re dead

I help a friend to run a nonprofit transport service in my state to get local pets to a non profit vets office to get Spayed and Neutered. We're looking to make up new t-shirts. We've already used, 'I like S&N (spay and neuter)'

Today I came up with 'ballz out for spay and neuter' with a tennis ball and a bell ball- cat toy. We'll be deciding on design in a few weeks- once we're back in the transport season. We take the coldest months off to try and avoid the snow.

Anyway we're looking for a good one liner-pun- to put on our newest round of T-shirts. Thank you in advance ☺️

Siamese fighting fish are Betta!

I’ll name him Clint. Clint Eatswood.

Then I started feeling a little down.

If they were average, they would be seagulls

No perches necessary.

I just wanted to give myself props/receive props because the other day at work (parks & rec) this guy brought an alligator to show the kids. He walked over to me, I pet it & as he turned around, I said “See ya later Alligator” didn’t realize I was waiting my whole life for that moment. Then the guy said he has birds at home & that he was worried his cat would go after them, but it’s the other way around. Then my coworker goes “SOUNDS LIKE A…- SCAREDY CAT” & then this one person had their dog at the event who ate a caterpillar on the ground and event was interrupted by them & the owner got it out of their dogs mouth, the owner said “Sorry, he got a caterpillar” THEN the guy doing the event said “SOUNDS MORE LIKE A CANT-ERPILLAR TO ME”

Ahhh… was a good day.

Hey guys, wanted to post some of my dad jokes from this week. If you guys like them I can post again periodically.

1. At a petting zoo, my 3-year old boy asks why the pony doesn't make noise. I tell him "because he's a little hoarse" (ok that might be an old one).

2. At the same petting zoo, my boy won't get off the display tractor when other kids want to use it. "Come on, don't be a de-tractor". Another kid is falling asleep on a different tractor. "That must be the dozer".

3. My infant son is about to flip over during tummy time but can't do it yet. When he missed his morning tummy time, my wife said he should make it up with extra time in the afternoon. I tell her "those are the roll-over minutes"

4. We are on a playdate at a friend's house, and his 3-year old spills open a teabag all over his bare feet. I say "guess he'll never have an alcohol problem". Friend asks "why not?". "Because he's a tea-toe-toller".

5. Buying vegetables at the grocery store, I tell my wife some of the lettuce varieties they're selling these days have been genetically edited. She asks "how do you know?" I tell her "they just taste CRISPR".

6. The rubber ducky in our bathtub has a stethoscope for some reason. My son asks if the stethoscope works. "No, that guy's a quack".

These are just the good ones, I probably told about 50 bad ones to get these. If you guys like them, happy to post more. Happy superb owl day!

Currently staying at a hotel with my dad. Next to the parking lot there’s a sign that says “pet grounds”, pointing to where you can walk your dog.

My dad reads it aloud, “pet grounds”, so I say “alright then”.

I crouched down, pet the grass a little bit and said, “good grounds”.

Got a good laugh out of it.

I work at a pet store and our order of reptiles came in...

Me: I soaked the new guys and put em in there habitats.

Manager: how are they looking?

Me: Good but there's something about the new chameleon.. he might be a problem

Manager: Whats wrong with him?

Me: I don't trust him, he's got shifty eyes

Manager: Oh god, go get ready for the cricket shipment please.

Edit: wall of text

Got my daughter good tonight. We went to the pet store to get cat treats. She was looking around and saw a few parakeets.

I said, "You do know that when you have one it's a 'keet'. If you get two, it's a 'parakeets'!".

Thank you. Thank you very much. Shows at 8 and 10. Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet… This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going down the pub with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede’s box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"

My black friend wearing a white shirt was over, and petting my white dog. Dad says "Good thing he's not black!" Referring to the dog shedding his fur.

I took my two kids (4 and 6) to the new aquarium in our city. They have a petting tank with harmless bamboo sharks. I reach in to the tank. 4 year old: "Is it dangerous?" Me: "Yep" and get a good look of slight fear from him. I then pull my hand out with my ring finger bent over and show it to him. He responds with a look of abject horror. 6 year old: "Stop messing with us!" Unfold my finger and show them. My 4 year old was not amused.

One afternoon mum was talking about how one of our two pet ducks was missing, Dad's response:

Oh no! That's not good, maybe they got a Duck-vorce

Cause their dead

Because they're dead.