Goe Puns

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

She puts her pajamazon

"Can I join you?"?

Linoleum Blown-Apart

He puts his pyjamazon

Wait.......It's a tie.

Doc, I've started getting bad zits all over my ass.

Yeah, you've got a sebum problem.

He asks for a Pint of Beer.

The bartender says: 'That'll be $4.85'

Then the bartender says: 'We don't get many gorillas in here'

The gorilla replies: 'With these prices, I'm not surprised'

He drank a full glass.

He was offered a refill.

He declined.

The guy was one punch man.

“Sir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies “Oh, that’s a freebie”

https://veryaligaming.com/2021/01/hysterical-gamer-dad-overwatch-gameplay-goes-viral-veryali/

Sign language.

"You've broken your hand."

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."

The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."

String: "I'm a frayed knot."

Because the P is silent

Everything he reads there is higher studies.

The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"

I’m gonna call it a night

A monk goes into pizza shop and says “Can you make me one with everything”

He goes undercover.

Doc: “Have you had any surgeries?”

F2M: “Yes. I had appendicitis.”

Doc: “Ah. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?”

F2M: “Addadicktome.”

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”

They go undercover.

Its ass.

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"

The bartender asked "why the big pause"

The bear replies "I was born with them"

Z

A sheep with no lips.

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

He orders everyone a round.

The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."

Viagra falls.

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

• What brings you here today?

• I'm just a little hoarse.

A steampunk.