Gotcha! Lol
Because itβs crypto-night.
"Make me one with everything."
I always feel so powerless, as if someone is keeping me in the dark.
Just as he swings back his ax to begin his first chop, the tree cries out : "Wait! Don't cut me down! I am a talking tree!"
The lumberjack momentarily stunned stops, but then goes back to chopping down the tree saying, "Well then mate. I guess you're going to just have to dialog!"
A ginger snap
The car dealer prepares it, and when the snail comes in for the car he asks βwhy the letter βSβ on the side?β
The snail replies βI want people to see me and say βWow! Look at that S Car Go!ββ
βEven since I was a kidβ¦β
Someone needs to give her purse-pective
He sure does have to lance a lot.
When he gets inside he sees a man slicing down potatoes and putting them in hot oil. The traveler approaches him and says "You must be the Friar."
"Actually" says the man, "I'm the Chip Monk"
Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning but he hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.
Why does a duck have tail feathersβ¦.
To cover its butt quack
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a really bad case of Parking sons disease."
Iβm not sure, but whatever you do - make sure to end it with a corny punch line!
A frog goes into a bank to get a loan, he goes up to the teller, who's name was Patty and said,
"Hi, I'd like to get a loan out for a new lillypad.
Patty thought the situation was weird but complied with the frog's request anyway. She started off by asking the frog's name.
"What is your name?"
"My name is Kermit," the frog replied, "Kermit Jagger"
Patty was confused, "Why is your last name Jagger?"
"Well you see my father is Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones."
Patty, was still confused, "That's a weird last name for a frog."
Kermit, being somwhat offended, asked her in response,
"Well what is your last name if you don't mind me asking?"
"My last name is Whack." She responded
"Well that's a weird last name for a human." Kermit said.
So they move on and Patty gets more of Kermit's details and when she was finished, she asked him if he had any collateral.
Kermit pulled out a little porculan figurine of a pink elephant, Patty looks at the figurine and tells the frog she needs to show it to her supervisor. She goes to her supervisor and tells him, "Here's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to take out a loan for a lillypad, he's using this as collateral."
Her supervisor looks at the elephant figurine, and he tell her,
"That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
But the bartender was firm.
"Get out of here! I don't serve strings!"
The 2nd string sadly leaves.
The 3rd string said, "Both of you are dumb. Watch this!"
And so he frays himself, and ties himself into a knot. He went in, and asked for a beer.
The bartender eyed him suspiciously.
"Are you a string?" the bartender asked.
"Nope!" said the string. "I'm a frayed knot!"
(Quite the yarn, eh?) π
On his way home, he stops by at the grocery store and asks the store assistant: "Do you mind throwing me that fish?"
So the rope goes outside and thinks for a minute. He twists himself up and messes up his hair and goes back in.
βHey ainβt you that rope I just kicked outta here?β βNope. Iβm a frayed knotβ
An astro-not!
A millipede with a wooden leg
His ass.
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
A nun falling down the stairs.
The officer asked, "Do you know whodunnit?"
He walks up to the hotdog stand and the man says "What can I get for you?"
The Buddha looks at him and says "Make me one with everything."
A deaf bat. π¦
(Made this one up as a kid, but might fit here)
A chicken sand witch
Pavlov jumps up and leaves, explaining "The dog wants to be fed."
A ghost avocado.
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
Picket.
After the check up the doctor says : I have two bad news for you -Start with the worse , the man says
- you have cancer
- and the second one ?
- you have Alzheimer's
- thank God I dont have cancer
A ghost pepper.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said her Grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!"
She goes there to paint her fingerNAILS
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
But there's no punchline.
and the second turns to the first and says βJeramy, whatβs wrong with you?β
They get dino-sore
But nobody visits the Metric War Museum, just across the road.
