After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.

It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?

Draw a hex-a-gon(e).

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway

I have it all thawed out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/princess94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Who do you call when you want to get rid of wrinkles

Iron man

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If you take a dozen cows and get rid of two you'll have nine

There would be 10 but they lacked 8

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"What part of your body would you get rid of?"

"My spine. It holds me back."

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of a Witch in the desert?

I usually toast my sand Witches.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?

He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Help! I started arranging them by artist but that wasn’t right. Then by title, but that wasn’t right either. Nor by colour. Nor alphabetically by first track title. Finally, I arranged them by number of tracks, but I just couldn’t get them in the right order. So I got rid of them all. Do I have 0CD?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjoojjoojj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of someone’s dirty thoughts?

By brainwashing them

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DillSoupYT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe my wife wanted me to get rid of my silt collection!

It's like she doesn't understand the sedimental value!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If I had to get rid of one body part it would be my spine

Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of fleas?

Start from scratch...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the government scheme to get rid of deodorant?

They said that they are going to axe body spray.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend declared bankruptcy and disappeared to get rid of all his bills...

It was his un-due-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother wanted to stop getting his hair cut for 6 months, but now he doesn't want to get rid of his long hair anymore...

It really grew on him.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoOfEmYesterday
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I got another wrist watch for my birthday, so I wanted to get rid of the old ones. Looking through how many I had

I decided to give them a new purpose and turn them into a nice belt. But it ended up being too short.

This whole project was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zitter_Aalex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?

All they could say was BACH!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guyshu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carrocko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It's my dream to become the CEO of Subway, if for no other reason than to get rid of the horrible job title "Sandwich Artist."

I just feel like they need a more accurate job title, like Sub Humans.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jagsfreak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What does an ant take to get rid of heartburn?

An antacid

I'm a single mom so I feel its ok for me to post this (and it made my daughter facepalm)

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/javalove1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it

Wouldn’t run

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haas19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of your average ghost?

Contact a medium

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnieTheQueer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I own a rabbit farm, but I want to get rid of them. The thing is, I don’t know how to do it, so I was thinking I should call someone to help me with that. Then I thought to myself:

A magician should do the trick.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisy123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the mushroom dealer get rid of his small bins?

Because there wasn’t mushroom

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I had to get rid of the lawn mower I've had for 20 years.

It just could no longer make the cut.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Challengedildo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to get rid of my old ladder today

We had our ups and downs but I'll still miss it

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotCallum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
We thought the priests and ghost hunters finally helped us get rid of the annoying ghost that would move our laundry detergent around in our laundry room the past year.

But then, this morning, I walked into the laundry room again and saw the Tides had turned.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I need to get rid of some DVDs
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darg99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m sad but I need to get rid of the sunglasses that have been with me for years.

I found them with a scratch and I just don’t think I can see past it

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whattajosh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
First step for my new diet was to get rid of the unhealthy food

Took me about a week but I just finished the last pint of ice cream.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
People keep telling me to get rid of my pet rock

But it has too much sedimental value

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m_aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of a Lil' Wayne

A lil' drain.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Need to get rid of all of these old memories
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sendrim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do sheep want to get rid of their wool

For the sheer fun of it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antek_kotlet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

Even his cows preferred moo-zak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beefwittedagain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the government get rid of the penny?

Because it was common sense.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amidnightoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Saddam Hussein: how did you get rid of the body, son?

Uday Hussein: in a Baghdad

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diego_godean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
🚨︎ report
It finally got to the point that the zoo had to get rid of the beaver exhibit

They just weren't worth a dam.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tylerjfrancke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
When is the best time to get rid of a beard?

Daylight SHAVINGS time!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALKRA-47
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
If I had to get rid of one part of my body, I'd get rid of my spine.

Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
"what part of your body would you get rid off?"

"My spine, It holds me back."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the geologist get rid of his rock collection?

They were sedimental

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeptil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?

They kept saying Bach! Bach!

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loken89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the government get rid of the penny?

Because it was common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amidnightoker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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