Falafel
Miss Stake
I wonder why they keep saying I am a bad electrician,
It sucks.
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
You must be a Simpson then.
An 8 foot wall.
To Cabbage Claim!
She took plea A.
Bud-wei-ser?
He broke the seed limit
On a bunny-moon.
Dad: I'll see.
That's #2 on my list.
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes”
I’m glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
It’s a vicious cycle.
Because he's Lack Toast Intolerant.
They were some real 3rd degree burns.
Because all that's left is WTF.
This is a shit post
A pedigree.
A knight towel
Run in front of a car you get tyred
They really need a hair traffic controller.
Because all the fans left.
Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.
I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
He must have been having a bad har day.
But she's not suede
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.
The two couldn't be happier!
They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.
One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.
She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.
She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.
A shallot, if you will.
A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.
They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.
The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.
Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.
Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.
He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.
One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.
The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.
She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to
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It's my sheer Will power.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
Minstrel cramps.
Edit: (I'm sorry. Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.)
His father asks him: “Son, what’s that on your back?”
The son answers: “It’s my bag, dad”
because it's a late-text (latex)
My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.
Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .
Mom: which one?
Dad: Me
I said fine, alpaca bag.
Therapist: Tell me why
Eyelashes
On a bunny-moon.
Because all of the fans left :(
On a bunny-moon.
On a bunny-moon.
