I realized today the life of a blood cell is truly futile..

After all, it lives its whole life in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_pendragon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Resistance is futile.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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The Killer Ohms are attacking us!

WE MUST MAKE A RESISTANCE!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avandoorslaer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I heard that resistance was futile...

... and I was like, "Ohm my god!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMCToga
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.

And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.

Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.

The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/homelesspancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What's the difference between someone who bought a house and someone who practices their electrician skills?

One's a home owner and the other's an ohm honer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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GODDAMMIT.

So me and my twin sis went with my dad to a family barbecue thing, dad was frying the meat with my 8 uncles. They were taking too long to prepare the meat, so I decided to say that I'm hungry and they are slow.

Every single one of my uncles and my dad proceeded to stare at me and

"HELLO HUNGRY, I'M NOT SLOW, I'M DAD".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Little-Chocolate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Dad's jokes drove us crazy

My dad was riding shotgun while my brother was making repeated futile attempts to pull his Suburban into a narrow parking space. Dad turned around to me, looked me in the eye and deadpanned, "He's got parking son's disease".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/towbeear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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Why do Borg-ships suffer from massive electricle spikes?

Because resistance is futile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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What did the power surge say when it entered the circuit board?

Resistance is futile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burpmeister
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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Coworker got me today:

Me: This job is so futile.

Coworker: That's what you call an unfinished bathroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioredhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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A dad joke from 1876

In walking through a park and observing the signs, β€˜All dogs found on these grounds without their owners, will be shot,’ a friend of mine exclaimed, β€˜That’s a hard case for dogs that can’t read.’

β€” Irving Browne, Humorous Phases of the Law, 1876

Due credit: Futility Closet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djerrid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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My dadjoked the hell of me.

A rope is at a bar late at night. He's just getting drunk enough to be annoying, so the bartender asks him to leave. The rope begs and pleads and he eventually, recognizing that it futile, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and cuts off the end of himself and he then tatters the end. He returns to the bar and the bartender vaguely recognizing him, says, "Weren't you in here a little while ago?”

The rope denies it immediately, and responds with an assertive β€œNo.”

The bartender about 75% sure he was in the bar earlier, says β€œYeah aren't you the rope?"

The rope says "A frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudeitsjustme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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