Battle for superiority
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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My superiority complex is way better than yours
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My friend went on a tangent about the superiority of colanders...

But honestly, I don't think it holds any water.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimateInferno
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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We have superior cows on our farm.

They are out standing in the field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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How does a senior manager from Texas greet his superior? /r/Big4/comments/jroq6k/h…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/windsor_ty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mamado21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...

Tea leaves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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No matter how kind you are...

German kids are kinder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.

She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I firmly believe that rye is superior to pumpernickel in every way.

...thank you for attending my bread talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SawdustnRust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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There is only one superior race

The Piston Cup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderKnight68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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What did the meager bratwurst say to the superior side of roast beef?

What am I - chopped liver??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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What is orange and yells β€˜I’m an orange, I’m an orange!’?

A tangerine with a superiority complex.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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the stonefish has no natural predator to fear from....

...except the paperfish, which is supposed to be even more superior.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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It’s OK to Think one race is superior

I think the 10k is by far the best race, 5ks suck

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Unicyclists think they're so superior...

Like, get off your pedal-stools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacobwewo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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People ask me why I hate grapes

I have my raisins

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Jokes about Mother Superior going to the tavern are the absolute best...

...bar nun.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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When someone says Joules are the superior unit of measurements for energy

Watt the fuck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EoinTheBest123
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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I can't stand stuck-up bodies of water.

I mean, get over yourself, Lake Superior.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call a superior bed?

Bedder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalen2612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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The local church's Mother Superior has the worst drinking habit I've ever seen,

bar nun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phiv555
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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A parish priest was next in line to be made bishop. However, dues to the longevity of his superiors, it was over a decade before he was appointed.

Just another case of long time, no see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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A dishevelled Nunn walks into a nunnery

Mother superior confronts her and says "what on earth happened to you? You look like you've gone through a hedge backwards"

The Nunn responds "I know I've got a bad habit"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Daughter: "Are there hurricanes on Lake Superior?"

Me: "No sweetie, those are called BRRR-icanes"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheresthespoonaha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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My dog groomer dad proclaiming their superior service...

"I Shih Tzu not!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybassoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"

Literally she can't even.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Oh...here's no pull in catapult?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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So 3 nuns die and go to Heaven and are at the pearly gates...

After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."

The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"

She says: "Adam and Eve!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"

She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"

Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."

The saint lets her right into Heaven.

The End.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thora-suan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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I wouldn't rank the Great Lakes from best to worst...

But one of them is definitely Superior.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmshady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming β€œMickey Mouse”!

When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked β€œWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said β€œI was trying to say Donald Duck!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GPyleFan11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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If Adam Sandler decided to join the CIA...

...then his direct superior would be his Adam's Handler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graafslaaf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Did you hear about the contest where the participants had to destroy neckwear?

It came down to a tie-breaker!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhamilt9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2012
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Warlord assassination attempt gone terribly wrong.

A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.

However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/possferatu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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Do you know what vegetarian means?

It's a compound of vegetable and aryan because it refers to a person that believes vegetables are the most superior food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lebranflake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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Got dad-joked by my dad and he didn't realize it until afterward.

Me: There's a dense fog rolling into Cleveland from the lake.

Dad: That's eErie.

pause

followed by laughter on both ends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMRoss90
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
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100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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A new nun got dressed for the day and went to mass.

As she is entering, she trips over. The Mother Superior rushes over to help "It seems you got into a bad habit this morning" Says Mother Superior.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubrick_Fan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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Dad Joke Backfire

Dad joke backfire. Agate hunting with my wife and the kids at a beach on the north shore of Lake Superior. We were finding lots of little agates. I told the kids the baby ones are called baguettes. The kids proceeded to discover the similar names for Mother and Father agates. :/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunterlaker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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Dadjoke practice

Backstory: I'm a flight instructor, and I was teaching one of my students about the "Area Forecast". We were going through which areas of the country the forecast covered, and in addition to a bunch of states, there's a few lakes, like Lake Superior, Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, etc.

Her: "Why are these lakes included in the forecast?"

Me: "Because they're pretty great."

Additional backstory: I will be a dad of 2 in less than a month.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alpineracer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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When my grandad was in the army...

My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c0mpliant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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Nice one, dad

Just cutting up some chicken in the kitchen, when this conversation popped up:

Me: Hey dad, I wonder how good this knife would be for cutting hearts?

Dad: Why?

Me: Because, then it would be a superior vena carver

Dad: Well, aorta get one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theradoc16
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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