I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forcoen69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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I’m fuming, my son has just bought home an arm chair and a 3 seater settee.

I have told him a million times not to accept suites from strangers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, but the road was fuming!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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If you die from inhaling muffler fumes...

Do you die from exhaustion?

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TayDestroyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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In one of my statistics classes, we were given a task to measure and analyze the fumes coming from tailpipes of various cars and to track their environmental impact.

It was exhausting.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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My car failed it’s emissions test today!

Fuming.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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The funniest part of any pizza joke...

...is the delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPaladin1176
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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I was messing around with my wife while we were camping and accidentally lit her hair on fire...

She’s not going to divorce me, but she was fuming.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingmanEXE
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…

But it was his dumb asphalt…

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
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Why do cats farts smell good?

They're Purr-Fumes

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey_the_dragon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I was at the gas station the other day and for some reason I just became very emotional...

I don't know why but I just started filling up

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beeoasis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Cutest Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XavierWolf69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Insulting bus driver.

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sasquatchit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I saw a hipster doing a 5K while vaping at the same time.

In the end, he was running on fumes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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I'm so mad that I've got severe burns this morning because the smoke detectors didn't work.

I'm still fuming!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CFDMoFo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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*knock knock* "Who's there?"

"Pun-patrol! You s-pun around on your chair way beyond government regulations!"

"I can't help it! I'm pun-sexual!"

"Sir, o-pun the door or we will have to use force!"

"Stay back! I have a hostage! I don't care if my crimes will ever get ex-pun-ged!"

"Lay down your wea-pun! Face your pun-ishment!"

"Sir, I just arrived and can confirm, he has a Pun-da!"

"Thank god for your pun-ctuality! This changes everything! Now go and pun-ch down the door!"

crashing noises

"Sir! We have fumes! God, what is this pun-gent smell??"

"Ahaha, you ran into my trap! Now die, Pun-k!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

silence

"No time for com-pun-ction. Come, S-pun-ky, we need to leave. Let's head for Pun-ama."

EDIT: formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Big Nose

There's a guy, we'll call him Benny. Benny has a wooden eye, and isn't too popular with the ladies. One day, the guys go to Benny and say "Hey Benny, there's a dance going on downtown. Come join us and you'll meet someone, we're sure of it!"

Benny agrees and heads to the dance. Across the way he spots a lady who he fancies. She is known around town of having a really REALLY big nose. She isn't too popular with the fellas. He decides with his wooden eye to go ask her to dance. He walks up to her and asks "Would you like to dance?" She looks up at him and responds "Would I?"

He fumes and looks at her, saying angrily "Big nose! Big nose!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtanosIskandar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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A man obsessed with tractors

A 22 year-old man was obsessed with tractors, so much so that he had no social life outside of his fascination with farm machinery. His mother eventually intervened, forcing him to throw away all of his tractor merchandise and ordered him to find himself a girlfriend.

The man went to a bar that night in search of a partner and encountered a beautiful blonde. After exchanging pleasantries, the two moved outside in order to have a proper conversation away from the music. As they ventured into the smoking area, the woman complained that she hated the cigarette fumes which had engulfed them. Without flinching, the man took a huge, deep breath and inhaled all of the second-hand smoke in the vicinity.

Staring on in amazement, the woman asks how he could possibly have removed the smoke from the room.

The man turns back to her and replies: "I'm an ex tractor fan"

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pablord13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
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R2-D2

Wife: Sweetie, it's so sad!

Husband: What's that?

Wife: Kenny Baker died, the guy who played R2-D2!

Husband: That wasn't a real robot??

Wife fumed for several seconds before husband burst out laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby.

A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby. The Bus Driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest Baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you,

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: β€œThat's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen

Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: β€œThe driver just insulted me!”

The man says: β€œYou go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grace832
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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