End of workday: Another end to a fruitless day.

Co-worker hands me an apple and says "Not anymore!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockhopper225
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Did you hear about the banana that was a prosecutor?

He won the conviction, but slipped up on appeal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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What did the girl melon say to the boy melon?

We're too young, we cantaloupe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chordophonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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The best advice my dad ever gave me: if ever you are desperately searching for something, make sure to take an apple with you.

That way, your search cannot be fruitless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Orchards around the world are going out of business en masse...

All their hard work really is just one big, fruitless endeavor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InLoveWithAbsol
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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The other day my wife couldn’t find any apples in the fridge…

…it was a fruitless search.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonnstar
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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I have been looking for an apple I lost a few hours ago...

So far, the search has remained fruitless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tl0306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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I tried to eat an apple off of a fake tree

It was a fruitless effort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaymezians
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Got my wife with a peach today

Text from her saying "I got to work and realised I forgot my nectarine"

Me: "What a fruitless endeavour"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_Ashcroft
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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I tried the Atkins diet a few weeks back

Alas it was a fruitless endeavor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironfist221
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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I went to an appleholics anonymous meeting

It was a fruitless endeavor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowinspired
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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I forgot to take my banana to the gym today...

it was a fruitless exercise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DwaynoBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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The wife forgot a mango in the car.

She went to get it, came back with a peach from an earlier shopping trip. She asked me to come with her to look for this mango. As we looked around her car she asked, "Did I buy a mango?" I replied, "so there's a chance this search might prove fruitless?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dukeofgonzo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
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In an effort to cut down on sugar, I went on an all veg, meat and carbs diet.

It was completely fruitless.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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In June there was a Supreme Court ruling that overturned a Department of Agriculture policy in which raisins were seized from farmers in order to maintain high prices. An appeal case was suggested that would mandate compensation for farmers who forfeited their raisins

Clarence Thomas, in response, said an appeal would be "a fruitless exercise"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dude108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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Dadjoked while cuddling

So my gf and I were cuddling, and so I decided to tickle her a bit, and as I did she tried to find a spot to try and get me back, but she couldn't. Then after a fruitless search, she said "you're hard to find" to which I said "but I'm right here next to you". She gave me a "I'm going to beat you upside the head" look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesusdo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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Went to the store with my dad to pick up some ingredients for dinner...

He really wanted some cherries but the store was sold out. As soon as we got to the checkout he turned to me and said "Guess this was a fruitless venture." Groans ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacobPsy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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AP Biology teacher was giving us a verbal quiz, when a question with the answer "hormones" comes up.

After several fruitless attempts at trying to get us to say "hormones," he cracks this one:

"What noise comes out of a brothel?

Whore-moans!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mydogsnameisdixie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2013
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I never should have visited the dead orchard.

It was a fruitless endeavor.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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