Apparently I was sleep wokking again
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I replied "in case any visitors want a black coffee."
Dad: "Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable."
None of them can fly an helicopter.
...he's just hanging there, chillin' man.
Because there could be a salad dressing
Because there might be a salad dressing
Turns out, we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.
I asked if we could eat at the table. We can’t eat in the fridge.
It’s time to raise the steaks for dinner.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
A honeydew list
Chicken Cesar Salad
“This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
I said: "There could be a salad dressing"
So I threw them in the compote bin.
How dairy
Electro magnet tick
Credit to my girlfriend for this one
To start the year in a cool way
Got cold feet.
The curds were in the whey.
Doc said I had to quit cold turkey.
But when I opened the door, it was just the chives talking.
I hung a sign "In Queso Emergency Break Lock"
Just in quesadilla.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because it saw the salad dressing
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Turns out I was sleep wokking again.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it
In case there's a salad dressing
"Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable."
So you don't catch the salad dressing!
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Because the salad might be dressing
"Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable!!"
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
There could be a salad dressing.
Just in case there is salad dressing.
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Because there might be a salad dressing!
