Mentos
A Pacifist
They forgot the punchline
β...cereal killer.β
I dont get the punchline but he's smiling
Guess they were fighting tooth and nail over it.
They were terrible boxers
Socket in the jaw
British Pounds
Dinners on me Edit: sry adopt the typo
"Son, violins is not the answer".
... Now I'm losing money hand over fist!
I guess you could say the finish line was also the punchline.
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD!
Who's on the phone dad?
After he explodes his hand I look down at my still clenched fist. I slowly raise it near my ear confused and shake it. I then explode it in my face almost knocking me off me feet. I look at him sternly and say, "You could have killed me."
Me: clenches fist
Wife: donβt you dare
Me: face turns red
Wife: ........
Me: hi Gay, Iβm dad.
The son said "I think we need to start growing something other than just wheat" and started naming fruits and vegetables.
"I think you're right, kiddo" said the man.
He went over to one of the haybales and started grabbing fistfuls of it. He spread it out and then started covering it with dirt.
"Dad, what are you doing?" asked the son, confused.
"I'm making straw-buries".
Call it βKnight Wingβ.
*My actual dad made that joke today.
Peter Pun
A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school
Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!
That 80 is the french equivalent of 420
Imagine all the people.
Because it is a lighter punch.
So my wisdom teeth have been coming in lately and my dad hit my mom with this one.
Dad: Yeah I've never had any wisdom teeth
Mom: Huh?!
Me: Some people don't get their wisdo-
Dad: ALL MY TEETH WERE STUPID TEETH!
While grinning like a maniac while my mom groaned.
I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."
My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.
Went to McDonald's with some fellow students after TAFE was finished for the day (for those who don't know what TAFE is, I guess the most similar thing would be community college?), and somehow one of the girls ended getting crumbs on her hat: "How did they get there?!" "I guess it's just a crummy hat."
Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
A handful.
It hurts not being able to see my real ladder anymore.
Edit: Hopefully this will climb to the top for today.
Actual Edit: the first edit wasn't an edit, it was in the original post. I called my shot. fist pump
It's a feetal abnormality.
Because they lactose
Fist thingβs fist
Waiter: What'll it be guys?
Her: I'll have the apple
Me: gritted teeth I guess I'll have the bees then..
Waiter: Okay sir, how would you like them?
me: clenches fist
Chef: HE PICKED THE BEES!! angrily shakes jar of bees
Mum: looks at dad
Dad: clenches fist and sweats
Mum: No, don-
Dad: HI GAY I'M DAD
Mom:Β Stares at Dad
Dad:Β Clenches fist
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad:Β Sweats Profusely
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter
Mom:stares at dad Dad:clenching his fist Mom:Donβt you dare! Dad:HI GAY, IM DAD!
Dad: clenches fist
Mom: DONβT
Dad: sweats profusely
Mom: ...
Dad: HI GAY IβM DAD
