I'm trying to thing of a dad. joke about getting my first job
What's the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf?
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
What is the first thing Santa's little helpers learn in school ?
"Okay rookie, the first thing you've got to learn about making pornography for the blind is: Voice Projection."
"That sounds hard."
"Thank you. I'm a professional."
After turning on my computer in the morning, the first thing I tell myself is “I got this!”
I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
A vegan podiatrist becomes a cannibal, the first thing he eats is
What does Keanu Reeves do first thing every morning?
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
What's the first thing Pikachu said when he met Raichu?
What’s the first thing you say when you wake up in Utah?
What were the odds in 1957 of being the exact stray dog chosen to be the first living thing in space?
First thing I saw today when I woke up 😐
My new therapist is British, the first thing he asked me was
What's the first thing you should do tomorrow if you wake up a billionaire?
The first thing I’ll say if Captain James Hook ever get hit by a truck is
“You ain’t seeing half of the insurance money”
I remember the first time I bolted two things together with metal fasteners.
That was a riveting experience.
The kind of thing you send on the first date
They say that as you get older, the first thing to go is your memory...
But I can't remember the second thing.
The First Bank of Magic Only Needs Two Things to Operate it's Banks:
Bought a dog from a blacksmith yesterday, got him home and the first thing he did was make a bolt for the door
What is the first thing you have to do when throwing a party in outer space?
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
Hey dad what's the first thing a monster eats after getting his teeth checked?
I’ve been torturing my 12yo son with dad jokes for the last month or so...he came in first thing this morning and laid this one on me...
Where do sunburned dinosaurs go for help?
The Allosaurus.
He earned a high-five for that one.
if you have a bad cold, the first thing you do in the morning is get coughy.
One thing is for certain about the men who invented, built, and flew the world's first successful airplane at Kitty Hawk...
They were the Wright brothers for the job
why did the cannibal eat the tight rope walker first thing in the morning?
it's all part of a balanced breakfast.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Dad: what's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Me: I check my mobile.
Dad: eh wrong.... You open your eyes.
A priest twists his ankle, what's the first thing that happens?
Got my wife first thing in the morning.
I woke up and took a drink of water (this tends to make my mustache a lil wet). I roll over and wake my wife with a passionate g'morning kiss to which she exclaims "Jesus! You got water all over me." My reply was simple "You can call me Jesus, I appear to be able to turn water into whine."
Edit* OMG! This is top post on r/dadjokes! I'm glad I can get a chuckle with you guys. I also fixed words.
The weirdest thing happened today... First I picked up a hat with money in it
Then I got chased by a guy with a guitar!
What was the first thing the sentient potato said?
“I think. Therefore, I yam.”
What’s the first thing a newborn tastes?
What is the first thing an astronomer does to complete a task?
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
What is the first thing elves learn in school?
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m taking this piece of junk back to IKEA.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
What's the first thing a taxi driver said to the wolf?
What was the first thing the cab-driver said to the wolf?
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