18 Hilarious First Born Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?

Let me be Frank

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📅︎ Oct 14 2020

First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

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👤︎ u/johnpowers99

📅︎ Aug 01 2020

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An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.

This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.

Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.

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👤︎ u/WatashiStickKid

📅︎ Sep 03 2020

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I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...

"They become brain-dad!"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ Aug 25 2020

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Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

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👤︎ u/gaudiocomplex

📅︎ Jan 09 2019

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First born

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👤︎ u/JukeboxSommelier

📅︎ Sep 05 2018

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On my first date with my girlfriend, she proudly proclaimed that she wasn't born in the US, she's actually Scottish.

I told her "Oh, I love your tape."

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👤︎ u/acmemetalworks

📅︎ Jan 29 2020

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I'd like my first born child to be mail

I'll keep you posted on the outcome

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👤︎ u/moses10960

📅︎ Jun 22 2018

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My wife was giving birth to our first born, I cracked a joke to lighten the mood - everybody laughed.

It was all about delivery

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👤︎ u/StoppedListeningToMe

📅︎ Mar 25 2019

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My wife just gave birth to our first born, and I noticed hospitals are a lot like hotels

The womb service is great

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👤︎ u/ramichaud

📅︎ Feb 08 2019

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I was telling my father about the first baby born from a transplanted womb...

He turns to me and says " Well, there's always womb for improvement."

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👤︎ u/Dsquarius

📅︎ Oct 05 2014

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I once knew a band composed of guys all born bottom first. Great music, but for some reason, The Breech Boys never made it big.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Nov 06 2018

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What do Spanish parents name their first born kid.

Juanito

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👤︎ u/_LocalMan

📅︎ Jun 18 2018

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My first joke- the day my daughter was born

My wife was complaining of constipation- when in reality she was in labor. "Can you pick me up an enema or suppository?"

Without skipping a beat, I said "of course- sit tight!"

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👤︎ u/Victorious10

📅︎ Feb 05 2016

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I am going to name my first born Mark

So after I die, I'll have left my Mark on this world.

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👤︎ u/Hiddengerms

📅︎ Jan 30 2017

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Ever since our son was born, it's been the same routine every morning. First the crying, then a breastfeeding, followed by a nap…

It's the only way I can cope…

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ Oct 08 2017

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The vacuum raised the knife up high, and as he was about to kill his first born boy he exclaimed

"Dyson!"

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👤︎ u/faceoftheancients

📅︎ Apr 25 2016

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After my first child was born I went to have a drink with my father...

He said to me "Well son, now that you have a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this".

"Dad, you don't mean the... ".

"Yes son", he interrupted, as he handed me the first five editions of '1001 Dad Jokes'.

With the tears welling in my eyes, and a lump in my throat, I said "Dad, I'm honoured!".

"Well hello Honoured, I'm Dad".

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👤︎ u/EdenC996

📅︎ Aug 16 2015

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