Financier Puns

It's a mootual fund.

That’s why it’s called “art appreciation”

Now our budget's cracking up.

He was running a "Fonzi Scheme."

My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

Then you’ll have a little bit of company.

..”Why did you buy so many DVDs of the same movie?”

In his Ledger

Pennywise.

He couldn’t lift a mountain, but he could budget.

One time a contractor approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some panzers that his company built.

I considered it for a while but remembered that the air force needed to get new fighter jets.

I turn back to the contractor and say, “sorry, but we just don’t have enough room in the budget. Thanks but no tanks.”

A burr oak

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

That will be a hard one to crack.

He's really penny-wise.

An incestment

Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes

I heard that the underwater financial department is tanking. They started using the loan sharks.

Even if you can't af-Ford it, Holden onto a vintage car is fun.

(just in case I need to mention it: Ford & Holden are two car manufacturers who've been in Australia for a long time)

In fact, they're banking on it

But I guess that if that doesn’t work I’ll just sell the horses

An income-poop

He needed some more Patients.

Those guys really make bank.

Johnny Debt

He must be a part of some extreme mist group.

Some might say its floundering

An invest-o-gator

Octopi Wall Street

But only if it was a 401k

He told me to put my retirement money in a David Lee Roth IRA

"Man, it would be so boring to work there...but I'm sure it has its ups and downs!"

So I can be financially stable

Years ago my parents sent my sister to England for a summer camp/study trip. Whenever we would call her we'd all gather around the speakerphone and talk briefly since international phone calls were expensive back then. One day we call her and my sister tells my dad that she has 6 more days of camp left and she is down to her last pound (dollar). There is a long awkward pause. Then my sister ask: Dad, what should I do? To which my dad responds: Spend it wisely...

Nothing on the left side of Accountants' books were right, and nothing on the right side was left.

If you and your findom (financial dominant) get engaged... Are they now your financé?

So at my school, we had a pipe burst.

Joke at the end of you want to skip

Now it's pretty normal in the midwest, where I live, to have this thing. It started with the fire alarm going off, because of the pressure decrease, and the school was evacuated. We were all eventually brought back, for it was cold. We sat in our gym for AN HOUR before being dismissed back to our classes.

So it's near the end of the day and I have gym class. And I'm having your normal conversation with a friend about the school's financial problems. And we were just talking about how the school is going to have to pay so much money for the new pipe and the ceiling tiles and the cleaning etc.

And then it was my moment to shine.

So the conversation is almost over and the friend says,

"It'll be a while before normal funds go back".

And I just say this:

"Yeah man, the school's money is going down the drain".

I said, "It's a financial institution licensed to receive deposits and make loans."

So I asked her, "Do you build or are you a financial model?"

I continued..."Sorry I know that you think that pickup line was WACC; hopefully just 7% or so."

I said, “Are you having a financial cry, sis?”

This is directly translated from greek, but you'll get it.

Me: Hey, dad, do you have any money?

Dad: Yeah, don't worry about me.

He cracks up and searches all over the house for my mom to tell his joke.

I didn't want to admit it, but it was pretty funny. Almost forgot about the money. Almost.

they're never getting their pen back.

Cringes

So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.

Here's what I have so far. Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception. I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go. Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around. Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it. My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane. I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'. Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.