My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,

I don't listen - and something else.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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totally not his fault, can understand
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I went out the garden this afternoon and got sunburnt. It was my own fault...

I was basking for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults...

Good man, terrible geologist...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MixedGender
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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My wife said I have two faults

1.i don’t listen and 2. Something else she said I don’t know

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FFFFFFFFFfFFF0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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My mom told me the first step towards recovery is admitting your fault

So I asked if that’s why people are admitted to the hospital

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_controler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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The fault after the earthquake was separating the kitchen from my man cave...

The earthquake caused a rift in my marriage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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It wasn't my computer's fault it was me, but the computer just wasn't working for me...

I decided to hit the reset button in "relationship."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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I had the nastiest,rudest,slowest cashier today.

I guess it's my own fault for using the self service checkout lane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.

That's your own Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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What did one mountain say to the other after the earthquake?

It wasn't my fault.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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This is parsley my fault
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Continuum_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Who’s fault is it that roads are so bad?

It’s Asses phault

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BetweentheHouses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I complained to the landlord about having 10 insects in the flat... He said it's the previous tenant's fault.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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You can't fault kid logic

I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied "six". I said how can he only be six if you're six?

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2016
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One tectonic plate bumped into another and then said

Sorry, My fault

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WDizzle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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What happens when Roger Federer gets a fault?

the Federeral Reserve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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My late Dad was a seismologist by profession but sadly..

..He could never pin down a steady job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I don't think the Tectonic Plates cause earthquakes

but people do say I'm loyal to a fault.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiftyMcShift
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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An earthquake destroyed my neighbors house

Good thing It wasn't my "fault"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Not my fault, just my asphalt.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isingthedarkness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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It's sad when people can't admit their faults.

I totally would if I had any.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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My wife was complaining that I’m too lazy. I told her it’s not my fault.

Laziness walks in my family.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...

...She went from studying faults to double-faults.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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My therapist told me I’m terrible at admitting my faults.

I am not!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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A man was convicted of murdering another man, he said; β€œIts not my fault,

Han shot first.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapphireLycanrock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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When it comes to earthquakes, plate tectonics are at fault.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perediablo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...

It was the Asphalt."

The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagarreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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Ahhhhh
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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Ordis from Warframe is just pure love

Everything in Ordis, Operator? Is that a pun?! Hmm.... I will attempt to bypass this fault.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spontifex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."

It was the asphalt".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BooBooDingDing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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Day Job

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I once saw an add to enter the falt earth society

It said they were gathering people from all around the globe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sergio_the_pro
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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My boss at the movie theatre asked me why I haven't sold any M&M's

I told him it's not my fault they're hard-sell candy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Oh Geez-ology

My partners in the geology lab were upset about not sharing my earthquake data.

It’s completely my fault though

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mweinberg58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Never date a geologist

They find faults in everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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My Dad always told me "Don't be quick to find faults."

He was a good man, but a terrible geologist

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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My dad told me β€œDon’t be quick to find faults”

Great man, terrible geologist

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults"...

Good man, terrible geologist...

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
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My wife says I have only two faults

I don't listen to her and something else she was rattling on about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gauisg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My wife says I only have two faults

I don't listen. And something else.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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My dad always told me "don't be quick to find faults."

Good Dad, terrible geologist.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry, that's my fault.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/detivninu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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It isn't my fault that earthquakes happen
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoggitz
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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My wife says I say two faults

I don't listen...and something else.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minyoonghee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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