Sorry sorry sorry, sorry sorry sorry. Sorry sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry."
"What are you doing?!" I asked him.
"I can only apologise."
At least I know there won’t be two terms!
...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.
He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.
"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."
I told him, “woah, slow down buddy. Curve your enthusiasm”
Because you're not around.
I knew a young couple who had a baby boy they named Marco. They did not believe in vaccinations and at 8 Marco got polio and just could not stand it.
"I want to get a dog and name it 'Peeve,' that way I can have a pet Peeve."
I was cracking some walnuts open and asked my Dad:
"Dad, is there a machine or something that cracks nuts all day?"
He says "Something that breaks your nuts all day? That's called a Wife"
This is something I do often and will get a wide variety of actions.
Cashier: Would you like a receipt sir?
Me (with a slightly weirded out and inquisitive expression): Are you sure you want me bringing this back once i'm done with it?
Mom: Why don't you use the trowel?
Me: Let's just call a spade a spade.
Because they wouldn't want to make any McSteaks.
