Expelling Puns

but my Dad pulled some strings!

Because she is a Cheetah

I got in trouble for something I didn’t do.

Expelliarmus

Bad boohavior.

Its not my fault I sleep naked.

I didn’t even know he was I’ll

A gay-9.

Got my daughters with some quick thinking last night.

I was annoying my younger daughter with some fatherly banter when she complained, "Dad, can you NOT?"

To which I replied, "Yes, I can! I just take two bits of string and tie them together."

My bonus reward was the sound of my older daughter noisily expelling the big mouthful of drink she'd just had back into her cup, before laughing her head off.

My work here is done...

Because they always end up getting expelled.

So my dad got us pretty good in a family text conversation.

So my little brother sends us a picture of a bunch of juice he has made and put in jars in his fridge.

LB: Going on a juice diet for the next 30 days, gotta loose 50 lbs in 2017!

Dad: I cooked beans and ham soup. I'm on a expelling air diet.

Dad: I've lost 5psi in 2days!

Dad: I'm thinking about getting a methane generator and going off the grid.

Me: 🙄

What policy means that ant schools are forced to expel their most promising basketball players?

"Zero taller-ants"