One that came to me in a 3am epiphany. Better when spoken aloud.

There’s two astronauts on a shuttle. It’s going smoothly when one astronaut noticed something wrong with the engine. He turns to the other and says β€œHey, something seems to be wrong with the engine. You think this could be fatal?” The other astronaut replies:

β€œAs tro hope naut.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arachnica
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who had a major epiphany as he was getting dressed?

After that, he was a changed man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rolling_Man
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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Did you hear the one about the man who had an epiphany on the john?

It was a very moving experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infielder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
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I think I just had an epiphany

Weird Al Yankovic is our king.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jungb024
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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I wish we had ShowerThoughts over our morning meal instead,

So we could call them Breakfast Epiphanies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProducerPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Oh wow!

Just noticed I’ve never had an epiphany.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellsHisOwnFarts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I'm not Catholic but...

I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Putins_Kumquat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Sorry I can't word this better.

So we're watching Doctor Who and we're mimicking the British accents and I had an epiphany... the way they pronounce stuff, like they leave out the hard T sound. City sounds like sih-E and kitten sounds like kih-en... Almost like British people have something against... tea. XD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VmEoRrItTiAsS
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Everybody, meet Darko.

Darko is my incredibly foreign dad (yes - that's his real name). This subreddit should expect many lame jokes from him.

It was a Saturday morning and I was enjoying my day of sleeping in after a tiring week of school. Darko rushes into my room and shakes me awake with a look of epiphany on his face.

> Me: "Ughh, what is it, dad?"

> Darko: "I was making breakfast when I realized something... If tomatoes are considered fruit... then shouldn't ketchup be called a smoothie?"

...was the joke really worth waking me up, dad. Was it.

Edit: Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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Oh my God! I just realized

Today is epiphany

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester1525
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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A gem my sports med teacher used to tell.

At the end of every class when everyone was ready to go, he'd tell us, "Hold on, there's only two more," meaning powerpoint slides. Then he'd pause, act like he'd had an epiphany and declare, "You know, my aunt had a two-more..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArrowToTheNi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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