My trainer asked if I’m engaging my abs when I use the ab roller. I told him they’re not engaged, they’re single
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnippityPippity
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A very engaging thought reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What did congress do when it found out multiple senators were engaging in BDSM activities?

They formed a subcommittee.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayhood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?

It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.

It was a near Mrs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.

The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, β€œWhy so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, β€œOh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”

PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinospam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akwardnes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the love between two people that never engage in sexual activity and love eating a lot?

Gluttonic love.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlFasGD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend that is too big.

"That's harsh," I told him, "I think she has a great body."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Jay-Z is DMing a D&D campaign for his son.

Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.

"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.

Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do spiders do after getting engaged?

Have a webbing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What would you call your knee if it engages in a rap battle? Disney
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellgirlxoxo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...

It was a diamond in the rough.

Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Feel free to help punctuate.

Guess who I ran into at the White House restaurant today Donald Duck He was engaging the cashier who was asking for a tip Do you know what he says Put it on my bill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/home_nee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
The engagement ring is purrfect πŸ’
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyybooper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.

Congratulations, toilet!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Engagement

What comes before a shotgun marriage?
En-gauge-ment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sfajason
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I put LEDs on her engagement ring

Her face lit up when I proposed

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_randomniss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.

But I broke it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neat_one
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If Ben and Jerry broke up would they engage in a custardy battle?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:

Engagement ring

Wedding ring

And suffering...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did miss piggie break off their engagement?

She was afraid of kermitment

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkazen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it always risky to engage in intercourse with a Scandanavian?

Only a third of them know how to Finnish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Buying an engagement ring with my dad

Getting ready to leave he says: "Do you have a picture of the ring you want?" Me:"Ya, right here on my phone." Dad:"Some guy you are, buying her a phony ring."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johngdetti
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is my daughter engaged to someone from Finland?

Because nice Finnish guys last

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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What did jay z call his wife before they while they were engaged?

Feyoncè

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aheadassnigga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new town Engagement Ohio?

It’s going right in between Dayton and Marion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StillNotShot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...

Irony on two many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scam where folks who engage in wordplay invite others to engage in wordplay, and folks who were there longer get credit for what the newer folks come up with?

That would be a punzi scheme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad had to mess with one of my Sister's props for her engagement photos.
πŸ‘︎ 816
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerPenguinz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she was engaged at the age of 18.

Me: β€œWell that seems like a blind doe.”

Her: β€œA what? A blind doe?”

Me: β€œYep. That’s a bad-eye deer.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/looksbaneful
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm 28 and engaged but no kids yet. I feel the dad within me.

Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.

We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.

One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:

"Sam?"

To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."

Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmbridge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Daddy! Peter and I are engaged!!

Fantastic! To who???

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A politician tried to engage me in a battle of wits, but i declined ....

I wont fight an unarmed man.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
This morning I confessed I was engaged in a cover up

I was putting on my pants, I explained. I was covering up my legs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuentissimo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When Jay-Z got engaged to his wife, what did he call her?

His feyonce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinner899
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
🚨︎ report
W was mad at V for getting engaged to Z

W Xed Y Z?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daddest-Joke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
You're engaged?! Congratulations! Do you have a date yet??

Yes, my fiancΓ©e!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
An engaged couple on the beach

An engaged couple was walking along the beach. The woman looked down and discovered her fiance was missing some of his toes. She stopped and said "I'm sorry, I can't marry you" When the man asked why she said, "I'm lactose intolerant"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FenrisValda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Got engaged last weekend.

Me, on speakerphone with both my parents: "So, Rob just proposed..."

Dad:"To do what?"

Me: "...."

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lannalyzer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I like the sound of β€œfiancé”

It has a ring to it.

πŸ‘︎ 603
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wi11Pow3r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever been to Engagement, Ohio?

It’s halfway between Dayton and Marion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5illy_billy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?

It's between Dayton and Marion, Ohio!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where Engagement Ohio is?

Between Dayton and Marion.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBojingles1989
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?

It’s between Dayton and Marion, Ohio!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownpker106
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?

It’s right between Dayton and Marion!

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kubricks_cube
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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