This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capitolpuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Encourage Mint.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/L1zzieDash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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My friend, who happens to be a female sheep, made a clone of herself and had sex with her clone. My entire friend group was totally disgusted, but I encouraged it, and said...

Ewe do ewe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I planted some encourage mint today
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldrichard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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My academic advisor keeps encouraging me to drop out.

Thanks to him, I’m soon graduating from the Sky Diving school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I was once encouraged by someone who stole my alcohol.

They really lifted my spirits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastGhost18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"

I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."

My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.

EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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What's the Difference between Driving and Baseball?

In Baseball, hit and runs are encouraged!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Rueben
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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I always encourage everyone I know to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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This should meet expectation imgur.com/41NwNiA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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My ice machine was really cool, so I decided to encourage it... I said, "good job ice machine, you're crushing it."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Here's Your Daily Dose Of Encourage Mint!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurmehar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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I tried to encourage my friend to make more money...

But I guess he didn’t get my incentives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow-Viking
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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My wife encourages me to have a lot of hammers...

We're in a poly-hammerous relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shauncheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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How do you encourage a robot lumberjack?

Tell them to "log on."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImDED
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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I try to encourage my wife to come up with her own mom jokes. So when she asked me to make one up regarding wood, I got a little upset.

"Cedar, that's what I'm talking about. Its not oak-ee doke to take credit for what wood be my joke. Every bodhi has to create their own." I told her. Didn't mean to chop her down like that in hindsight. I hope she still pines after me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Minty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Why did the whisky divorce the glass?

Their marriage was on the rocks!

(Thank you u/VadJag for encouraging me to post this again!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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What do you call it when your friends encourage you to eat more fruit?

Pear Pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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I live in a remote town. We're building a train station to encourage travel to nearby places.

All thanks to a strong local motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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My dad, encouraging me after my water polo match defeat, "Son you are one in a million."

The other six are the Zeroes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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What do you get if you give a boat drugs?

A speedboat

[Disclaimer]: I don’t encourage the use of drugs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miloklaas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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My dad's encouraging words for my first day back to school
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jittlewiggle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Si seΓ±or yo soy yo rancho ahhhhhhh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebjasmeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Looks like October is...

Octover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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My parents really encouraged me to go to college to get a degree after high school even thought I told them I already had 98.6 of them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanTellsaStory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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I am really grateful to my math teacher in elementary school who taught us how to subtract numbers.

She really encouraged us to make a difference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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I'm a newlywed and I think my wife's trying to encourage me to be a dad.

Me, trailing from a conversion in progress: "... Sounds like the holocaust"(Said Hole-ih-cost in my accent)

Her: "Holy-caust?"

Me: "Holy-cost. How much does being holy cost?"

Her: "Six million Jews."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/V13Axel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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Whenever my dad encourages me to take risks and try something, he says "Seize the carp!"

My mother freaks out whenever she hears him say that because she hates it and she's sick of it. I think it's hilarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe_sand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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Thanks for the friendly encouragement dad imgur.com/PAo5xAV
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manofwonder93
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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Words of encouragement from dad

Dad(singing):

You can do it

You can do it

You can pick your nose and chew it

(repeat for effect)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sexy_Offender
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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This might be so old it's new again

A comedian backed by the Mafia was doing a show in New York. In the audience was group of foreign religious leaders, in town for a UN conference. Oddly, that group was very vocal in their heckling of the poor comic. Particularly vociferous was the Hindu leader from India.

Noticing this from offstage, the Mafia Don told one of his thugs to make his way to their section and menacingly "encourage" them that they should "shaddap already".

The thug asked the Don if there was one of the group who should receive... "extra-strength" encouragement. The Don replied "Yes. Weigh down upon the Swami ribber".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SQLDave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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I'm going to name my son Violence.

If he's smart, I can tell my friends that Violence solves problems.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/micronerd01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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Dad joked my husband

On the night walk with our 2 pups. One is obsessed with toads and every item on the road is suspiciously inspected. Frequently a leaf is sniffed and nosed to encourage a leap. Tonight, a piece of gravel caught her eye with exuberant tailnub wagging! β€œOh pupper that isn’t sedentary; it’s sedimentary.”

Hope you like it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aimlesskeek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Got my son's surgeon today pretty good.

My infant has a pretty flat head, when I took him to the doctor's office to get a referral for a helmet to shape his head, they asked what his name was.

I told them, "Well, his name is ___, but we like to call him Phillips to encourage him."

I got some truly authentic guffaws, and my dadjoke confidence rose a bit. I feel like I may be getting the hang of this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldraven
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after he’s been processed.

When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him thatΒ he just ran out. β€œIf you need to shoot just say β€˜BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next areaΒ where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. β€œIf you need to stab someone justΒ go, β€˜STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its wayΒ to the front where there’s a battle raging on.

Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldierΒ drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.

So when he sees his next foeΒ way off in the distance, he shouts,Β β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazedΒ adversaryΒ nextΒ and goes β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothingΒ happens. β€œWhy wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down andΒ responds, β€œTANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lavidius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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I just discovered this subreddit after searching for an old joke to see if it had been posted...

And the joke has been posted in this subreddit literally every two days for the past week.

And I think it is hilarious because that is exactly how dad jokes are in real life. Dads always repeating the same joke you’ve heard over and over. I even checked the rules to see if reposting was actively encouraged because I thought it was too great to be a coincidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glorifiedpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Child's dad joke

I've kind of been encouraging it, but tonight my 18 month old did it all by herself.

Getting her ready for dinner, I pull the highchair up to the table.

Daughter: Highchair! Highchair!

Me: It is

Daughter: waves Hi, chair!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/argon0011
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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"I wish you would stop gambling!" I shouted at my son.

"You're no better yourself!" he snapped.

I said, "Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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My son laid this one on me today.

We were walking past a shop in which there was a dog.

DS:what type of dog is that?

Me: a boxer.

DS: no it's not.

Me: yes it is.

DS: then where's his gloves?

(I know this isn't like most posts here but thought it might pass)

edit: he's 12 by the way. And already all about the puns. I feel for any children he has in the future)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zombeedee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
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My wife doesn't even hear my jokes anymore...

Not a dad yet, but:

I've been working on fixing my god-awful penmanship lately, so I'll spend quite a long time writing the alphabet, transcribing tv show lines, or just page after page of single letters.

The other night, I had about half a page of capital B's done. My wife looks at it and asks what I'm doing. I reply, "Oh, just writing a letter."

She pretended she didn't hear it and just carried on with what she was doing. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rootyb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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Just a few one-liners my dad thought up tonight

"Parallel lines struggle to make ends meet".

"Decapitated man can't get ahead".

"Reformed junkie encouraged to get back on the horse".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Earthwire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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I delight in winding up my 12 year old daughter

She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me

So, yesterday

Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?

Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room

Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic

Her: OUT!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginolard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
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[Serious] Thank you /r/dadjokes community!

Throwaway since I could be identified if someone tried hard enough.

My father is currently partaking in a long and grueling pilgrimage of over 300 miles on the Notre Dame Trail. The organizers suggested family members write letters to encourage and motivate the pilgrims.

I have chosen to borrow some amazing content from /r/dadjokes to text to my father on a daily basis. He loves to make bad jokes and is often seen laughing at his own puns. He said he tells the jokes to the group every day when they've finished walking and they always get a chuckle from the crowd.

So sincerely, thank you and keep up the good work!

My mother has also joined him for the final 3 days so if anyone has some good, clean mom related dad jokes, feel free to share them with me!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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My 6m son's stinky feet smell like cheese

I told my wife he had Chee-toes ... (She refuses to acknowledge these anymore, says it only encourages me πŸ˜‚)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrankyOldGrinch
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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Need help coming up with a good pun!

My friends and I have started to have weekly dinners and we rotate who hosts. We are all single and live alone so we wanted to do something to encourage us to cook a real meal on a regular basis. We need a good name to refer to it and I love puns - so I have come to you Reddit. If it helps, our dinners are Wednesdays. Many thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xballerina
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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With the family, boxing up leftovers at an Indian restaurant...

...encouraging my in-laws to take what's left of the naan sample platter.

"Please, I insist. It's naan-negotiable."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taximes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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I've got an eye

On a second date with a girl last night. We were eating at the bar, when I bit into a chip and the seasoning flew into my eye.

She starts making fun of me for it, when I responded, "looks like I've got an eye for seasoning."

She laughed, said "oh god. I'm really not trying to encourage you. I should really stop laughing..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theKKrowd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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Checking my emails.

Dad: Will you be long on the laptop?

Me: I'm just checking my hotmail.

Dad: What's his name?

and then he takes it one further when I reply

Me: Hilarious, I'm just checking my e-mail.

Dad: I didn't know you could find men online.

I then had to try really hard not to laugh and encourage him.

Edit: Formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanplays
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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I deliver bread for a bakery

We haven't been getting the sub rolls we've ordered the last few days and we were all talking about it when I said They must be underwater in the sub department.

I didn't think anyone was paying attention but one of my coworkers giggled for a few minutes and another groaned and told him not to encourage me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codyhart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
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A Volley of Knitting Puns

My wife was teaching her best friend how to knit. She was doing quite well but for some extra encouragement I said:

"The basics are simple enough. It's when you get into the knitty gritty that things start to unravel.

Wife and friend shake their heads, so I say "Sorry, I didn't mean for my purls of wisdom to needle you."

More groans...

"Still," I said, "at least I kept it short and sweet. I mean, I could've spun you a proper yarn."

Wife to friend: "Right, pass me that soddin' knitting needle...!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/32768Colours
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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Looks like I'm ready for parenthood

I'm a part time clerk/grunt worker at my local supermarket. My shift consists of stacking up milk, butter, eggs, cream, anything that comes from an udder. So, to make my existence seem less monotonous, I'll often badger my coworkers with horrid puns. One day,one of them offered me these kind words of encouragement: "If you don't shut up, I'll shove my foot down your throat." My rebuttal: "Is that what people call sole food?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nunc-Est-Bibendum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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Sister channelled some dad humor yesterday.

My sister is getting her wisdom teeth out today, and so last night I was trying to encourage her to not worry. As anyone else who has gotten wisdom teeth out likely knows, it's tough to eat solid food for a few days, so to make her feel better:

Me: Look on the bright side! You get to lose a few pounds!
Her: You're right! These teeth weigh 2 or 3 pounds each!

Thanks Jackie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matt7259
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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